The story of the – deliberate or accidental – sinking of the MS Estonia in September 1994 is far from being told until the end. Decades after the catastrophe, many people are still genuinely interested in the many inconsistencies surrounding the fate of the 852 fatalities, and the largest maritime disaster in peace times involving a non-military ship. This community offers the international English speaking community a forum to discuss historical facts, theories and the latest discoveries.
I (22F) just found out that my friend (24F) is in love with me and that's why she tried to get me to break up with my husband (29M)
We have been friends since we were both kids, and all this time I (22F) never knew that she (24F) is a lesbian or bi or whatever she is, I only know that she had two boyfriends but she's been single for 5 or 6 years now. She was always very affectionate with me but I thought it was normal, I thought that was the way friends act I don't know, the point is that a few months ago she started telling me a lot of things to make me feel insecure about my husband (29M) she would tell me things like I should check his phone because he was acting weird, and when I asked her what did she mean she said that she was worried because he spent so many hours working and that we hardly see each other, I explained to her that he's a doctor and that right now he's working even more than never because of covid but then she started saying that if he spends so many hours at work maybe he will meet someone else, as if he had time to meet someone else while taking care of more than 14 patients per day. When that attempt failed, she began to say that he had sent messages to one of her sisters (19F, she's not my friend, but she came to my house a few times so she knows my husband) when I told her that I wanted to see those messages before talking to him she sent me a lot of screenshots (all were edited by the way) but she told me not to say any of that to her sister. I talked to my husband about it and he denied everything, he even gave me his phone to check it and I didn't find anything, I trust him with my whole life so I believed him, but not only because I love him but because the screenshots looked really fake, so I talked to my friend's sister even though she told me not to do it and she told me that my husband never sent her any message and that surely her sister was trying to play a joke on me, at this point I was so confused that I didn't even know why she was doing that so I tried to talk to her and she told me that her sister and my husband were lying and that I should open my eyes and see the truth, and I was so sensitive for everything that had happened in the last days that I started to cry and she hugged me and tried to kiss me so I pushed her away and asked her what was wrong with her and she told me again that I should see truth, that she loved me since we were teenagers and that my husband doesn't love me, I asked her if she invented all that and she said yes, that she did that because she loves me and knows that my husband doesn't deserve me. After that I kicked her out of my apartment and haven't spoken to her since then, it's been four days, and I don't want to talk to her but I feel so bad, she is one of the few "true friends" I have and I never thought she would do something like that. What can I do in this case? By the way sorry if my grammar is wrong, english is not my first language and I am really nervous as i type this
This is hard to put on the character limit but I'll try my best. So my (19F) mom (44F) has being dating this guy (50M) for a couple years. I have a 16y/o brother and this man has a 12F and 17M kids. When they started to date a couple years ago, and at first it was a secret. At that same time, I was going through some bad times mentally and had to be in the hospital for a while. My mom had to invest a lot of time in me when I got out. My mom had to put a stop to her relationship because of this. A month after this, he came to my house with his kids to spend some vacations. It was his daughter's 10 year birthday and they wanted to have a party in an amusement park, and I declined to go. I didn't want to go to a crowded place like, and he took that personally. I didn't knew this kids and I really appreciated the invitation but I was feeling unwell; he ended up saying I was disrespecting him and his kids, and that I was selfish and just wanted my mom for myself. Time passed and we met all for vacations. He always comments on my weight or my relationship (romantical and friendships). For example, he laughs and makes disrespectful jokes about my best friend who is a trans guy or my boyfriend, who is an immigrant. The thing started to worsen like crazy last summer, when we went for vacation all together and his kids acted like entitled brats, making us always do what they wanted, and him agreeing on. His son started to act horrible towards us because he was mad about not seeing his friends or something, and he even disrespected my mom. When my mom confronted him about his kids attitude, he told her that my brother and I were awful too, but she replied that we weren't, and we were acting correctly. Since then, he has been pushing me a lot. He acts like he's "teaching me lessons" about things like "don't be so dumb someone cheats on you (my ex did)" or "don't pick a dumb college career (I'm on my second year in anthropology)". He did this every fucking meal and I stopped eating with my family when I'm there. But in Christmas day, I was there and received a message on my phone. When I took it to check it he said "oh! It's the racial slur?". I called him an asshole and left. I didn't wanted to see him for the rest of the vacations. He hasn't come yet to my house after this, and my mom has been treating me bad. When I asked her why, she told me that he doesn't want to come because I "mistreated him". She's mad at me for "ruining" her relationship. AITA? Edit: I want to add that in order to keep a good relationship with my mom I have to put up with his shit. And I have a huge internal conflict about this, because I love my mom to death but this man brings the worst out of me. So I don't know if I should just shut up when he's around and make my mom happy Edit 2: I went to sleep me when I woke up my inbox was flooded lmao. I'll try to answer everyone when I have a relaxed moment so I can speak a good English hehe. Thanks everyone for the kind words, it really means a lot :")
Looks like we broke the character limit for posts. As such, Part Two is here!
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Megathread: Many are now migrating to Signal as a result of WhatsApp updating their terms and privacy policy
Hello everyone! We've recently started to receive lots of similar posts as a result of recent news regarding WhatsApp updating their terms and privacy policy, which will take effect on February 8thMay 15th, 2021. Any WhatsApp users who do not accept these changes will be blocked from using the service. As a result, many are now migrating to Signal. We’ve decided to make this the designated thread for all things related to this topic. Here is a direct link to Signal's terms and privacy policy (last updated May 25, 2018). Don't worry, it's not very long. For those wondering where Signal's revenue comes from: "We are a 501c3 nonprofit. We're not tied to any major tech companies, and we can never be acquired by one either. Development is supported by grants and donations from Signal users. https://signal.org/donate/" Some related media coverage:
What is the best way to migrate from WhatsApp to Signal?
How to convince WhatsApp contacts to install Signal?
What are some pros/cons of Signal compared to WhatsApp?
What are your most missed features from WhatsApp?
How do some features work differently in Signal compared to WhatsApp?
We will be updating this post as events unfold. Be safe, and always remember the human. Edits 1–38: A brief summary of events, by day: Wednesday, January 6:
WhatsApp informs its users that they are updating their terms and privacy policy.
Thursday, January 7:
Elon Musk tweeted "Use Signal". Five hours later, the Signal team tweeted that verification codes were being delayed due to the surge in new people wanting to join Signal.
Some people mistakenly invested in some random stock called 'SIGL', to which Signal tweeted: "Is this what stock analysts mean when they say that the market is giving mixed Signals? It's understandable that people want to invest in Signal's record growth, but this isn't us. We're an independent 501c3 and our only investment is in your privacy."
Someone asked Signal whether usernames would be coming this year, to which they replied: "According to the office Magic 8-Ball, 'SIGNS POINT TO YES.'" They also shared a tip for how to easily migrate group chats from other apps to Signal: "Drop a group link into your former chat app of choice like you're dropping the mic on the way out."
The team is currently taking a break from answering questions in the AMA, but will be back in that thread on Monday (Jan. 18?), so there is still time if you have any questions for them!
There were still some registration delays. Signal said that carriers were "making adjustments on their side to keep delivering verification codes as quickly as possible."
Facebook bought ads in order to promote Facebook Messenger when people searched for 'Signal' in the App Store. Signal's developers tweeted: "Facebook is probably more comfortable selling ads than buying them, but they'll do what they have to do in order to be the top result when some people search for 'Signal' in the App Store. P.S. There will never be ads in Signal, because your data belongs in your hands not ours."
Sunday, January 10:
The Signal team tweeted: "Even though we're still breaking records, verification codes are back in the groove. Delivery delays have been eliminated across multiple cellular providers, so things should be more ASAP when you join the app."
They then tweeted: "We continue to shatter traffic records and add capacity as more and more people come to terms with how much they dislike Facebook's new terms. If you weren't able to create a new group recently, please try again. New servers are ready to serve you."
Elon Musk tweeted that he donated to Signal a year ago and "will donate more."
Monday, January 11:
Signal raised the group call limit from 5 to 8! Reuters also reported: "The number of new users installing messaging app Signal every day is on track to cross 1 million, putting it closer to levels seen by larger rival WhatsApp [...] About 810,000 users globally installed Signal on Sunday, nearly 18-fold compared with the download numbers on Jan. 6, the day WhatsApp updated its privacy terms, according to data from research firm Apptopia." 🚀
Some people were still mistakenly investing in some random stock. Signal's developers tweeted: "Update: Although the growth rates may look similar, this stock symbol still has absolutely nothing to do with us. We're an independent 501c3 nonprofit, but you can donate here to invest in your privacy: https://signal.org/donate/" 📈
Signal announced that they are going to be rolling out chat wallpapers, an about field for your Signal profile, and animated stickers in a few days, as well as media auto-download settings and full-screen profile photos for iOS users (to match Android).
Moses Tsali released a music video titled "Hit Me on Signal", filmed at the SpaceX Headquarters! 🎵
Tuesday, January 12:
Our tiny unofficial community (signal) is now rocketing up Reddit's Top Growing Communities leaderboard. Last week, we were somewhere around #21.1k. Earlier today, we were at #135, right below AnimalsBeingBros. As of this writing, we're at #90 and have already passed ThatsInsane, which is insane! 🤯
Signal's Brian Acton is now doing interview after interview with Indian mass media companies. Here is one with NDTV, where he talked about "Signal's India plans, its donation-only business model, and what makes it different from WhatsApp." 🇮🇳
By now, many of our community members had submitted their own badges and profile pictures that they had placed in WhatsApp to show that they were moving to Signal. Inspired by this, Signal decided to tweet some of their own in multiple different languages. 🌍 Here is a blank template!
Our community has now climbed all the way up to #61 on Reddit's Top Growing Communities leaderboard!
Signal's Android app started with 10M+ installs on the Play Store on January 5, and it has now passed 50M+!
u/Crazy-Lizard submitted an amazing collection of images (both in English and German) that you can set as your WhatsApp Status to convince your family & friends to switch to Signal, using an educational approach! This quickly became our top voted post of all time!
Thursday, January 14:
Our community is now placed at #48 on Reddit's leaderboard! We've now made it into the top 50, with big names like sports, Jokes and reactiongifs. We have zoomed right past all other software-related communities in terms of popularity. Only apple and leagueoflegends remain above us!
Acton has now said that they are aiming to add 100-200 million more Signal users in India alone over the next two years.
Signal's founder, Moxie Marlinspike, has now tweeted: "If you've ever considered applying to work with us at Signal, now is a great time to get involved! We're just over here working on a plan to power the western hemisphere with the heat from our servers: https://signal.org/workworkwork/"
Our wonderful community has now helped translate u/Crazy-Lizard's educational WhatsApp Status images into Slovak, Czech, Portuguese (PT), Finnish, Turkish, Hindi, Spanish, Portuguese (BR), Italian, French, and Dutch! Get them here!
Friday, January 15:
Our Reddit leaderboard saga continues! We've now reached spot #40, right between HolUp and PersonalFinanceCanada. 🇨🇦 We also made a list of posts in which our members can discuss Signal reaching the #1 spot on the App Store/Play Store in their own country. 🏆
Signal tweeted: "We are so grateful for the outpouring of support from everyone who is contributing to Signal's ongoing operation and development. We're a 501c3 nonprofit and we couldn't do this without you. If you are on the fence about donating, you can give in here: https://signal.org/donate/"
WhatsApp announced that they are going to delay the updating of their terms and privacy policy by three months due to the backlash. They were originally going to take effect on February 8th, but will now take effect on May 15th.
Someone asked Edward Snowden (u/SuddenlySnowden) if he knew whether "Telegram is more secure and less influenced by corporate money than Signal". In reply, Snowden tweeted: "1) The consensus of the infosec community is that Telegram is significantly less secure than @SignalApp. 2) Signal is an independent non-profit with a $50m endowment—they can't be meaningfully influenced by money for a very long time. Telegram is a standard private company."
The Signal service went down for about a day as the Signal team needed to add more capacity. They tweeted: "We have been adding new servers and extra capacity at a record pace every single day this week nonstop, but today exceeded even our most optimistic projections. Millions upon millions of new users are sending a message that privacy matters. We appreciate your patience."
Signal's Moxie Marlinspike tweeted that they are now working on a group chat feature that will allow only admins to send messages in the group!
Saturday, January 16:
signal is now at #26 on the Top Growing Communities leaderboard! If we had been included the curated "Top Growing Communities in Tech" leaderboard, we would be placed at #4, right between technews and TechNewsToday. We are flaming hot right now! 🔥
At last: "Signal is back! Like an underdog going through a training montage, we’ve learned a lot since yesterday — and we did it together. Thanks to the millions of new Signal users around the world for your patience. Your capacity for understanding inspired us while we expanded capacity." 🙌
In response, Snowden tweeted: "Everybody can get back to uninstalling #Whatsapp now." 😄
Sunday, January 17:
Our community's climb on Reddit's leaderboard appears to be leveling off. We're now at #22 overall and "#3" in Tech, right after apple and technology, which isn't half bad actually! 🤔 Let's see if things begin to pick up again after Signal starts rolling out those new features they promised on Monday.
Wednesday, January 20:
The initial hype is now clearly dying down, but our community's daily growth rate is still much larger than it was before WhatsApp made their announcement. Today we crossed 40k members! 🎉
Friday, January 22:
Signal has now started rolling out chat wallpapers, an optional "about" field for Signal profiles, and the first official animated sticker pack to all beta testers! As always, the developers are now gathering feedback on the Signal Community forum. If you're a beta tester, check out our right-hand sidebar to get your own flair!
Saturday, January 23:
Chamath Palihapitiya promised Signal a $10M donation if they could keep all of their own messaging infrastructure and copy WhatsApp's entire UI in order to get the whole world on board as easily as possible. Signal replied: "Hopefully there are a lot of people out there who don't need us to look exactly like their ex in order to fall in love, but you could help us make it possible for Signal to support 10M themes — one of which might look familiar enough for anyone who has a "type"..."
Signal also launched their first ever "global marketing campaign," using the cheapest billboard they could find somewhere in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It says: "No personal data was bought or sold in the creation of this video." #WeKnowNothing 🤣
This campaign is starting to get serious! Signal just tweeted a more polished video ad, featuring Taraji Henson and ending with a shot of the same billboard. 👏 They are now here on signal as well, requesting photos of the billboard! 📸
Welcome to all newcomers, but also THANK YOU to all of our regular contributors who have shown up to sort by new, answer questions, and provide help! ⭐ As a reminder, this is an unofficial Reddit community (or "subreddit") that is run by the user community. We are not affiliated with or endorsed by the Signal Technology Foundation or Signal Messenger LLC.
My (F25) boyfriend (M28) has a really clingy best friend (F24) Do I give him an ultimatum or not? I don’t trust their friendship?
Please read update below So this is really long story but basically I don’t trust my boyfriend and his best (female) friend’s relationship and I think they’ve either had sex before or dated. So we’ve been dating for about 6 months now and I’m really head over heels in love with this guy. He’s amazing really good looking and the best sex I’ve ever had. I really don’t want to lose him if I’m just being paranoid but he’s my first ever proper relationship and I don’t know I’m missing red flags. After 2 months of dating I noticed that she face times him a lot (I’m talking at least 3 times a day) and they always seem to make goofy faces at eachother and act super close and silly way different to how he is with me. They’ve been friends for 5 or 6 years and they met through someone else. She is the only person on his phone with an emoji next to her name (it’s a crown and then a heart) and told me that the reason why that is, is because her nickname by everyone is princess so it’s always been that way since they met. I didn’t really care until one day we were in a shop together and I asked if they ever dated before and he casually told me that they were going to date before but she slept with one of his friends so they never did, and she regretted it and actually had feelings for him but he didn’t feel the same way so they just continued being friends. That made me worried especially because they text and face time all the time and she calls him even if it’s 3am just to chat or if she needs help with something and he always drops everything to speak to her. They have a secret SOS code with each-other which means that they have to drop everything to help each-other out even if we are on face time he will tell me she has an SOS and will call me back after. Today he was on face time with her and she asked where he was and he said he was ‘out with a friend’ and then later another friend called him (a guy) and he told him he was with me his gf. I asked him why he told her he was with a friend but the other guy he specifically said gf. He told me to drop it and that I was being paranoid and didn’t remember. Then he admitted he hadn’t really told her much about me although she knows me roughly cause he didn’t want to tell all of his friends unless we are 100% serious. So he only has told a few friends. However he has another female friend who he told about me and he’s really close to her so I think he’s lying. I was playing with his phone (he was on mine) and as a joke we were going through each others pictures (he didn’t mind he allowed it and it was just a joke) and we were laying on bed. When I found a video she sent him of her having sex with a guy. I asked him why she would send him that if they are just friends and he said it was years ago with an ex of hers and she sent it to him as a joke. That was super weird. Anyway I ignored it but still felt like something was off. So I went back on his phone later when he wasn’t looking. I know 100% this was wrong but felt like he was lying. And I found messages from him to her saying that they have to tone down their FaceTimes to a friendship level because his aunt is coming over for the weekend. Even though it was me he was seeing over the weekend so he lied to her about me being here. I couldn’t confront him as I didn’t want him to know I went through his phone. Then he invited me out to spend the day with his friends (one guy and a girl) and I asked if his female best friend would be coming and he said no cause she’s sick. I also thought he was lying and hiding something. I feel like they have dated before or she has feelings for him. And I don’t trust them two together. Especially as he does photography as a side job and has taken pictures of her and his other friend in lingerie for his portfolio at his house (he showed me all the pics he has a separate insta for it.) I told him I don’t trust her because of the sex video and the fact he’s seen her in lingerie cause of his side job. So he finally agreed to tell her about me on the phone in front of me and told her to reassure me that they are just friends. Instead she was super rude to me and told me that whatever friendship she and him have is none of my business and that I should just trust whatever he says or break up with him. He didn’t even back me up or anything or tell her off. He hung up and we didn’t speak about it and I left cause I was so upset. I just feel super insecure and worried and he always tells me I’m being paranoid and that if he wanted to date her they would already. But now I feel super betrayed and like he didn’t even stand up for me and I went home and cried and haven’t spoken to him since. Should I give him an ultimatum to stop being friends with her or should I am I just being a paranoid crazy girlfriend? UPDATE: he texted me all day begging me to come over so he can explain. I came all the way to his house crying my eyes out asking him to tell me the truth about his female friend and I admitted that I saw the text between them both about me being an aunt. Then he said I must have been confused and said that he never sent her that. I went back on his phone and he deleted it. Then I cried and asked him why he allowed his friend to talk to me like that and he said that when I left he called her back and told her that the way she spoke to me was unacceptable and even deleted the emojis next to her name to try and prove it. I cried and said it wasn’t good enough and that he needs to get her to apologise on the phone cause I didn’t believe him. He was reluctant and finally he called her and when she answered he was being super weird and didn’t even want to say I was in the room. Then she asked why he was calling and why he was acting weird and she was like “oh are you with your aunt?” So then I got fed up and shouted and asked him why she would ask that unless he did send her the text. Then he got flustered and was like oh I don’t know what your talking about there’s no aunt. And then his friend was like oh I know it’s that girl your with again, and I asked her outright to apologise and she refused saying she had nothing to be sorry for. Then he feebly tried to ask her to apologise saying where I was coming from (clearly just to please me not really meaning it and she could tell). Then he said that he can’t force her to apologise and he can see both sides. Then he tried to say it was my fault and I shouldn’t have been snooping through his phone and that I shouldn’t have shouted at his friend as his gf even though SHE was rude to me first. Literally I can’t take his manipulation and lies, I started crying again and his female friend then turned on ME calling ME a red flag for going through his phone and being obsessed and weird and saying me and him haven’t been going out that long to get involved in hers and his friendship. Then I shouted we were together for 6 months and she didn’t know. Either way she didn’t care and said that I am not good for him. He didn’t even interrupt her or explain or anything. I had enough and stormed out I cried the whole way home and I have blocked him. He has called me about 30 times. My best friend thinks he may have been trying to use me for a passport (he’s from another country) and thinks that the girl may have been in on it. I am so heartbroken and I can’t stop crying. I honestly thought he was the one but I am very naive and easily led on. I should have known better :( ANOTHER UPDATE: I should probably make a whole new post but anyway. He has a separate phone which he has been calling me on ALL day. I ignored all of them. Then a different number called me and it was his other female friend and basically she was trying to vouch for him and explain that he’s a really good guy. Then when I told her everything she was shocked cause she didn’t know. Then she admitted even more stuff that I didn’t know before. That they all got drunk and kissed before at a club her him and the other girl and that once they played truth or dare and the other female best friend was dared to kiss his penis as a joke both was years ago. That creeped me out so much. Then she was like apart from this stuff nothing else that she knows off has happened and that even though that stuff happened they still are only just friends. She admitted that the other girl did have feelings for him and probably still does but he doesn’t feel the same way and told me that she did try to tell them that their weird friendship would stop any of them from being in a relationship with others. Anyway I told her to forget it I don’t need his friends begging doing his dirty work for him and that I don’t need this kinda drama in my life. Then she was like “oh but you shouldn’t have been rude to her and him that shows disrespect as his gf I’m just being honest. And you should be careful as he’s a good guy he’s just not good at explaining himself. ” I’m mentally a bit slow I have autism and my English isn’t that great. People always make fun of me or take advantage of me and my good nature and I can get wrapped up in stuff like getting excited with dating and I forget that it’s not even that real (I can’t explain but if you know what I mean.) they are still trying to make it seem like it’s my fault and I’m the crazy rude one and shouldn’t have gone on his phone. Plus it’s too crazy him getting other people to call me. Begging for me back. Now I’m 100% sure he’s trying to use me otherwise he wouldn’t be trying so hard to still be with me, anyway I blocked that other girl and told her to leave me alone too and for people to stop the calls to me.
AITA for calling my boyfriend and his friends a group of idiots?
Obligatory English is not my first language So, a little background here. There have been a few instances where I have been suspish about my BF cheating on me, but usually I just let it go and decide to trust him. Examples of this are: 1- Him hiding his phone everytime he is on it and I enter the room or hiding it when we sleep together. 2- Me finding tons of photos of girls and theirs profiles on his gallery (just to clarify I didnt go through his phone, he fell asleep with it in his hand and I just grabbed it to block it.) I did no go through them but when I asked him he accepted he had them and he said it was his group of friends the ones that sent them and they were saved automatically from *Discord* 3- Him lying about discord saving automatically the photos and then saying that I missunderstood and that his discord group also has a whatsapp group and that is were all the pics come from 4- Him not wanting to take me to any eventsbecause he says I would probably embarrass him .And saying he never says he has a girlfriend because he doesnt see the need to unless someone hits on him. These happened in the last 2 months. And this problem actually come from that specific chat-group of friends mentiond above. The thing is that he showed me something on his phone and a message of a <3 and a kissface came from a chat that said "Mechanic". Idk if this happens in every country but here itscommon for men to hide their lovers contacts with names such as mechaninc/plumber or any other "male" profession. He doesnt even have a car, so I asked him about it. He laughed and said it was his friends group-chat and I asked him to show me and he did, it was. I asked him what was up with the name and he said that his friends decided that it would be fun to name it that and just randomly send <3 or stuff so when the few girlfriends saw them, they would freak out. Here is where I might have been the AH. I got really angry at that and told him that why would they want to make such a cruel joke, and called him and all of his friends idiots. He said I should chill and just laugh, its only a joke, but honestly I couldnt help it and I said pretty mean things, like how could he and his friends have less that a brain cell and that I couldnt believe they had such stupid ideas, stuff like that, and told him I didnt want to be close to him until I calmed down because I felt like he was playing with my trust, so I left (and now I'm at work). He was pretty upset himself since he said I was making a whole drama over nothing, it was a joke and its not like he chose the name of the chat. I talked to a friend about it and they told me that I was being ridiculous by getting mad, that it was just a joke and I took it out of proportion and that I should apologize, because at the end... boys will be boys and they were just joking around, it was not that hurtful. But I did feel it was hurtful for me. Was I the AH for being too mean to them ?
My best friend (29) won’t speak to me since I (29f) got engaged two months ago.
Hi! So as the title suggests, my best friend has not spoken to me since the beginning of December. Molly (name changed) and I met three years ago on social media. We had been following each other because we have similar interests and live in the same town. One day she messaged me asking to be friends and the rest is history. I was very excited because I don’t have many friends and it was so nice to have so many things in common. I already knew of Molly’s long term (10 years) boyfriend, Tony, because he is a semi-popular musician in our town. Molly is an angel of a human being. Hard working, caring, a real catch, honestly. I would frequently joke to Tony that if he wasn’t going to put a ring on it soon, I would...and that leads me into this whole disaster. As I mentioned, Tony is a fairly well known musician in our town. He is also known as an overgrown 12 year old. He is basically your annoying little brother, just taller and with facial hair. I don’t dislike the guy at all, he is very talented and fun to be around (in small doses). Do I see what Molly sees in him? No absolutely not. He farts and burps at the dinner table, insists on blasting while we’re trying to have conversations, sleeps until 3pm, is unnecessarily loud, demands Molly to cook for him 3 meals a day, has never unloaded a dishwasher or cleaned a thing in his life, etc. Molly is way out of his league, honestly. Yet, she loves him and thinks sun shines out of his behind. The first time I asked Molly about what she wants out of life in the future she immediately said marriage and kids. I asked about where Tony stands in that area she said he obviously wants the same. Tony even has his grandmothers ring that was given to him to propose to her. I asked “do you guys talk about it?”. That’s when it came up that he basically shuts down or changes the subject. She doesn’t see anything wrong with him responding that way because he just “doesn’t like serious conversations”. This worried me for her, but at this point we didnt know eachother well so I didn’t say anything. As time went on she would talk about wanting to get engaged. She would send me links to rings she liked and ask me to send them to Tony. I did, and every time he would either threaten to block me or ignore me. She sent me her wedding Pinterest board. I sent it to him, he ignored me. She sent me this really heart wrenching message about how the anniversary of their first date was coming up and how special it would be if he proposed, I told him about it, he told me to shut up. I stopped sending him things after a while because to me, it was very clear. I don’t think he wants to commit. I will admit I never actually said that to her, although I don’t know if she would ever listen. She always told me I don’t know nearly as much about relationships as her because I was either single or not with my boyfriend (now fiancé) as long as she was with Tony. I met Noah a year after I met Molly. I wasn’t looking for anything because I had come out of a long term abusive relationship a year and a half prior, but Noah is something else. He is a total gem. He treats me so incredibly well, and although we took things slow, I knew he was the one quickly. Molly was really happy for me and we ended up hanging out as a group often. Noah and Tony became pretty good friends too. As my relationship with Noah got more serious and we moved in together, Molly joked a few times about killing me if I got engaged before her. Noah and I talked often about our future. He is 3 years younger than me so it was important that we were on the same page. I want to be married and have kids before I’m 35. The only thing that we don’t agree on right now is I want to elope and he wants a huge wedding! My town has been in and out of lockdown for a year now and while we haven’t seen our friends often at all, we have kept in touch daily. Since Noah and I have basically been alone together this whole time we also have been talking more seriously about our future. I had no idea he had a ring and was going to propose to me when he did, though. He surprised me with my dream ring two months ago and I could not have been more happy. I called Molly before I called my family. She didn’t pick up so I texted her a picture of it. I waited a while and didn’t hear back so I called my family. Hours go by and I haven’t heard from her. I thought it was weird but was in complete bliss so I posted a picture on social media and got drunk with my now fiancée and went to bed. Next morning, still nothing from Molly. She did see my picture on social media though. I talk to Noah and that’s when he tells me she was cold towards him when he showed her the ring he wanted to get me a few months earlier. I text Molly a few more times, and call her multiple times. She has not spoken to me in two months as of today. I reached out to Tony to make sure she was alive and she is, she just won’t speak to me. I completely understand that she is upset. And when I reached out after the ring picture I told her that. I told her we don’t have to talk about wedding stuff even. I’m not trying to plan a wedding any time soon. I just want to talk to my best friend. I’m completely heart broken. Noah thinks I should stop reaching out because this kind of behaviour is selfish on her end. I disagree personally, I can see why she is upset I just want to talk to her. Should I give up, say something specific, move on? TLDR: best friend has not spoken to me since I got engaged. Her bf of 10 years won’t commit and I think she’s jealous that mine of 2 years will. Should I move on or ask for her back in my life? EDIT: I accidentally left out that every time Molly asked me to send Tony something I screenshotted his responses. Whether he told me to shut up or ignored me, she saw it. When I stopped sending things his way I told her that I didn’t want to anymore because he clearly isn’t interested. edit 2: Tony is 38 and Noah is 27 Edit 3: English is not my first language, I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes!
That Time when a Corporate Slave Reincarnated into Hololive and Gained 1 Million Subscribers (Houshou Marine’s Journey)
That time when a corporate slave reincarnated into Hololive and gained 1 Million subscribers (Houshou Marine’s Journey) Note: *this is translated and modified from まーがり’s wonderfully detailed article on Note (https://note.com/margari/n/n65434823e284) I do not take credits for anything here. I also left out a lot of the graphs, if you like those, go visit the original. Also, I used quite a lot of MTL. If there’s anything you would like to add, please comment and I will consider it! Senchou is the best, the cutest in the world! This will be a collection of clips with short descriptions from the original author with some additional information added in by me. I tried my best to find the English clips for each of these, but older clips are very hard to find...mostly due to the shut down of a certain translation group that shall not be named. Characteristics of Houshou Marine Hololive Vtubers are required to have some background lore and RP, and Marine’s generation is called “Hololive Fantasy’ and is created with the concept of “characters from a fantasy world” in mind. It is said that the 3rd gen members are older on average compared to 1st and 2nd gen, especially with Flare, Marine, and Noel who are known as the Oneesan-gumi. (Big Sisters Gang) Marine is short with large hips and bust, a so-called shortstack. Self-proclaimed 17 years old(?), but from various stories and unintentional leaks, is probably around 27-29. Compared to other members who are cute and young, she fits more of a sexy role. Compared to the rest of the 1 million club (this was made before Haato reached 1 million) she is noticeably not a cute type, but rather a HORNY type, the first of the type in fact to reach 1 million. She is probably a former streamer, given her ability to entertain and engage live audiences. Her amazing talking skills will keep you glued to the screen no matter if she’s doing a chatting stream or just playing games. According to her, she learned to be interesting all the time from her time growing up in the Houshou household, which ignores all boring talk. She also knows a lot about NND (Nico Nico Douga) culture and all the memes from there. She is also a serious Touhou fan since high school to the point that she can correctly name all characters just by their face (no hair) alone. Self-confessed former (?) Fujoshi. Marine’s Survival Strategy When a Vtuber debuts, they have to struggle in a place of fierce competition for survival. The same applies for corporate vtubers. Way back in August of 2019, the general view of Hololive was that it’s a company carried by Sora, Fubuki, and Aqua who were working very hard, but still a small company reliant on Nijisanji. (in 2018 and 2019, NijiHolo collaborations were very frequent) How did Houshou Marine debut into such a market so dominated by Nijisanji and other companies and survived? Let’s take a look at her story. Pre-Debut But first, let’s talk about her background before debuting. The information here is gathered from her chatting streams and SC reading sections.
About her family
The two family members she talks about the most are her dad and older sister. Their characteristics are roughly this. Dad: No delicacy (rough kind of person), has a lot of willpower, sends a LINE message to her every day, lacks internet literacy. Older Sister: Even more shy than Aqua, emotionally sensitive, once cried due to a Freshness Burger dropping on the floor, has no friends so she named Marine as her friend when she was asked to answer who’s her BFF in KumaTomo (DS game) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvGZq9P3Rd0←--The clip) Very popular among ichimis. (Marine’s fans) Both know that she is vtubing, but don't seem to be watching her too much. (TL note: The only time I remember her talking about her family watching a stream was her older sister watching the 78 years old stream) Apparently couldn’t watch the Toyosu live at the beginning of 2020 due to an OS update. https://youtu.be/QTgVkE2p2OE?t=3070--- Bad with technology sister and dad https://youtu.be/bYONz5srmw8?t=1140---- That time mom played games on Hangame for hours on end (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hangame)
Childhood: Elementary School
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHQjqOO-b5o--- when very little, too poor to eat roll cakes and really hungry so ate a streets fighter manual instead, tastes like paper. (TL note: In a recent stream, she has commented that her old house had serious bug issues, and by serious I mean serious, she was not well-off)
Highschool
Allegedly graduated from high school at the age of 2 and Harvard at the age of 3. (real) Attended a Christian all-girls high school and said that she had a crush on a girl, but was rejected after trying to hold hands with her with the words “sorry, but I don’t swing that way” https://youtu.be/_3KWTYJSX-Q------ Kaitou Xi’s translation of the events Her love for Touhou apparently was influenced a great deal by her, and they parted on good terms as friends.
Corporate Slave era
It is widely known that she was working for a so-called “black company” in customer service. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_company_(Japanese_term)) ) https://youtu.be/gyPs1bXDSCA?t=668←------ that time she was given rotten oranges for winter bonus https://youtu.be/8utdHWh2qsA?t=3220←----- the final straw that led to her quitting her old job, CEO forcing employees to dedicate everything they have to the company It’s a truly appalling story, but without this, we will probably never see her vtubing, so thank you old boss (?) Not everyone was terrible however, one example was her female section chief who taught her the ropes in the workplace. This concludes her story pre-debut, after this will all be about her activities while working as a vtuber affiliated with Hololive with her debut on August 11th, 2019. Early Activities (August - December 2019) As mentioned above, Hololive of August 2019 was not a truly independent Vtuber company yet with many collaborations aiming outside instead of inside the company. Her debut stream clocked in around 7506 viewers, numbers astronomically low when you see the kind of numbers 5th Gen got for their debut streams. That was how popular Hololive was, known but still second-rate. -Active in external collaborations
Directly after her debut, she took on a role as a leader of the 3rd gen members and started actively collaborating both inside and outside of Hololive. In one month following her debut, she has already collabed with Choco-sensei, Nijisanji’s Takamiya Rion, Animare’s Inaba Haneru. She later collabed with Honeystrap’s Saionji Mary, Nijisanji’s Hayase Sou, and also participated in Ryushen’s (Nijisanji) Pokemon Spoof from Hell using her ties with Hayase.
She also collabed with vtubers mamas like Shigure Ui (Subaru) and Kagura Nana (Ayame) and illustrator-vtubers like Inuyama Tamaki and Natori Sana as well.
Why was she so popular as a collab partner? Namely, her strong personality, distinctive “Ahoy”, voice imitation skills, being unafraid to collaborate, a voice that projects well, her ability to get things done, and her openness to off-color jokes. She and the other 3rd gens also was the first generation to work together as a generation like we would expect nowadays from Hololive, doing collaborations pretty much from the get-go.
She also provided illustrations for other vtubers as well, such as the illustration for this cover song from Ryushen and Hibiki Ao
My personal favorite is this one, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mi8kFgiWiU A drawing contest held by her, Satori, and Ui-mama. Highly recommended, don’t even need to know Japanese to get your SAN drained.)
Her channel was monetized in late August, a very fast pace at the time. She conveyed thoughts such as “I will finally be able to eat meat…!” and “Pokemon merch…” in response to the news. However, tragedy will soon come to befall her monetization 6 months later... The Time of Growth (January-March 2020) The debut of the 3rd gen played a large part in popularizing Hololive as a whole. It can be said that they are the start of the Unstoppable Hololive we see today. (Hololive 3rd Gen was and still is the most popular HololiveJP generation as a whole) She gained 100k subs in 4 months, and the momentum just doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. She became the most subscribed 3rd gen member in the latter half of March. It can be said that this period was the time when ichimis realized their love for Marine and started supporting her seriously like you would a real idol. Marine of that era was still not at the top, still below the Four Heavenly Kings, (Kizuna Ai, Mirai Akari, Kaguya Luna, Siro) the popular Nijisanji vtubers, and the more popular Hololive members at the time. The ARK pandemic that was unleashed by Coco contributed a great deal to her growth, with Marine being so addicted to the game that Coco named her as one of the members of the original “ARK addicts'' in an episode of Asacoco. This period sees a remarkable increase in solo streams to collab ratio.
She participated in the Toyosu live in January 2020 and sang “Lost my Music” from Haruhi. (video not available)
Her 3D debut stream led to the creation of the now-famous “Houshou Marine Pose” that is now a staple for any 3D stream by other members.
As a side note, she is quite active in the usage of her 3D model, doing a total of 13 projects with it.
Tried to move out of her old, shabby house. Found a place in January but had many problems while trying to move in. She already moved out of her old place, but another tenant already occupied the new place, so she had to find a new house in a hurry. Just as things were looking up with her moving finished, tragedy struck on March 13th, 2020 when she was deprived of her monetization. It seemed that she has a problem with getting yellow demonetization even before the 13th. She regained her monetization on the 27th of the same month, but she had to spend a lot of money during that time due to moving in and having to record a voice pack, so it was quite tough for her.
Active in internal collaborations. She became very active in Hololive collaborations starting from this period. Some of the notable ones are…
VR horror collab (not 3D, the first one) at Coco’s place. (archive is still privated)
The Second Vtuber Boom (April-June 2020) With a state of emergency being declared and lockdown in progress, demand for streaming vtubers reaches heights never thought of before. Numbers rose dramatically during this period in terms of subscribers. Is it perhaps the second coming of the 2017 Vtuber boom? She was overtaken by Pekora in subscribers around the time Pekora was doing MGS marathon.
Participated in the 2nd Hololive Kindergarten stream as one of the kindergarteners. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJltE4KGGLA ←---- Yumemi Translations’ translated clip)
Addicted to Animal Crossing like everyone else was when it first came out.
Received a letter from her high school crush with a drawing of her avatar and the words “400k subscribers congratulations! As expected of you. I will keep supporting you! Let’s go eat at Jojoen together next time.” She also visited Marine’s Animal Crossing island and kept sending ugly villagers over to her’s.
Started playing Azur Lane, leading to the infamous peak horny clips. Interesting tidbit, she was convinced to play the game after seeing Sirius’ rather...generous assets during a sponsored stream where Yostar had her, Ui-mama, and Tamaki review the character designs.
Art showcase from elementary school to present. Some interesting things learned from that stream were that she started learning digital art during her late elementary school years and even drew a CG set with her OC in middle school! She also cringed...like a lot at her old OCs. (https://youtu.be/WSDkNw2c4A8 <--the stream)
Played Dream Club GOGO with Nijisanji’s red-haired alchemist Ange Katrina. The contrast between the sultry onee-san Marine and the scaredy-cat virgin Anju was something marvelous to watch. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Otq4c4BVss0 ←--the stream)
Worked with the one, the only, BEATMARIO (Touhin doujin music legend, created popular songs such as Night of Nights and Help Me ERINNNNN) to release the doujin CD “Gensokyou Holoism” with songs composed by Beatmario and his circle, and IOSYS (another legendary doujin circle, made Cirno’s Perfect Math Class and Marisa Stole the Precious Thing) help with writing the lyrics and script with illustrations by Ito Life. (personal opinion, I really, really like the drama parts as a long-time Touhou fan. It’s not that expensive, give it a buy if you are into this kind of thing) (https://www.dlsite.com/eng/work/=/product_id/RE295773.html ←----buy here, comes with English and Korean subtitles)
Started doing an online radio show program with Fubuki (podcast pretty much) with a new episode releasing every wednesday at noon. Some notable guests include Sugita Tomokazu (famous seiyuu) and Tanaka Kohei (legendary composer, composed songs like “Sono Chi no Sadame” and “We Are”) You can listen to this week’s episode at https://hibiki-radio.jp/description/skdw/detail You can listen to old episodes here ---- https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1JoW6GX6QBWkiccU5TmLfETicK8iq0K4a?usp=sharing (Credits to the Sucorn FBK fanclub discord)
Have to say, she was popping off big time during the era. First Year Anniversary and Birthday (July-September 2020) She was working very hard in July to the point she cried while eating the cake during her birthday stream at the end of the long, hellish grind...everyone...please give her headpats.
Released her first original song, “Ahoy! We are the Houshou Pirates!” for her birthday. Interestingly, the song was arranged by IOSYS’ ARM with lyrics written by IOSYS’ Maron. (https://youtu.be/e7VK3pne8N4 ---- the short version of the song on her channel)
For her 1 years of activity stream, did a 3D collab stream with Noel and Flare and exercised (?) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTFO2H7zu0A ---- Toki’s translated clip of the first minutes of the stream)
Joined up with other Hololive members to form the group “ALICE” (SORA FLARE MARINE CANATA SUISEI) for a cover song, don’t ask me why it's Canata, Sora made it. (https://youtu.be/Ur0K2WA67jw ---- The cover song)
Sang “MOON PRIDE” with Asano Ruri, Inui Toko (Nijisanji), Higuchi Kaede (Nijisanji) and Fubuki. (https://youtu.be/axZ9LYMvrPo -----the cover song)
MariKoro Body Swap 3D, it’s as cursed as you would think. Korosan doing the idol step was truly a forbidden sight (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TklqX5XUomo -----the stream
The legendary 4 hours worth of oversleeping and the infamous “incident” that happened during the sleepover with Shion. To this day, Marine still feels a bit awkward about the whole thing, and wishes to fully work things out between her and Shion. The hashtag
#ババ共の寝起き (grannies wake up) was on first place trending on Japanese twitter. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIutHGS7pkQ ←---blub’s translated clip of Fubuki’s commentary stream about the event) (https://imgur.com/a/c9pxe3L ←----Marine’s comic strip about the event, translated by RedHen35 on Danbooru with typeset by Velarys) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHJbj8FGX74 ←---translated clip from Vlife of when Marine later told her story to Kiara on the first episode of Holotalk) (https://twitter.com/mizuryu/status/1296604677757255681 ←-----Mizuryu’s art of the event (YES, that Mizuryu, the guy’s a serious ichimi) (I think it’s pretty obvious I really like this event)
Fubuki vs Marine, OC battle. My personal favorite is Matsue-kun who she made in high (middle?) school, whose descriptions are as follows.
CURSED WITH EXTREME MAGIC POWER, HIS BODY STOPPED GROWING AT THE AGE OF 12. CURSED EXISTENCE. HIS BIRTHPLACE WAS DESTROYED DUE TO HIS POWER RAMPAGING, AND BEING HATED HE KNEW NO LOVE. HIS ULTIMATE ABILITY IS COOL. (https://youtu.be/f6tYhNzIQwg ←-- the stream)
Appointed as an official brand ambassador for the mobile game “Sakura Kakumei” belonging to the Sakura Wars franchise, a game series she has loved ever since elementary school. She cried on stream afterwards from the happiness of having achieved her childhood dreams. Even better news, she and Fubuki are confirmed to be voicing characters in the game eventually! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8BW6dKjmFc ---- the stream where she cried from happiness)
Cover of the Touhou doujin song “The Song of a Broken/Loved Youkai Who Loved a Human” arranged by myu314 and with vocals from Beatmario. This is not well-known, but this upload was actually tied to a self-cover from him. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbfVsscUMaU ---Marine’s cover) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3G_c2FqeG60&t - Beatmario’s self-cover)
BL pairing battles from Hell with Hayase Sou (Nijisanji) over who is the top and who is the bottom in each pairing. Cursed af. (...former fujoshi?) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkZunpwcxGk ---- the stream)
Her return to HoloServer Minecraft and the construction of AQUAMARINEGO pirate ship. This is also the start of the current form of the AquaMarine pairing.
Sankisei drawing collab that gave us the legendary roast by Noel at Rushia. (https://youtu.be/l694McnS8ME ---Hololive etc Cuts’ translated clip
End of 2020 and the start of 2021(October-January 2020) Her sub count exploded over this period with over 100k per month and more. Remarkably, she started uploading short videos which might have attracted the Kaigai Niki crowd. One interesting observation is that from this period on, the behaviors of ichimis start changing from a group that is closer to that of Pekora’s to one that is closer to Rushia or even Coco, we are now fully in love with her. In one of her member-only streams, she talked about getting a KU100 mic for ASMR and the chat was filled to the brim with 100 dollar donations. In the last stream of the year, ridiculous amounts of money were sent to her in an attempt to get her to marry us. I have to admit, I do miss when chat used to spam “cringe” in response to her acting cute, but this is not bad at all.
She got her new goth loli costume! She thought it was going to be cringe, but at this point ichimis will gladly watch her do anything. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBJyteOyAh8 ---akarineko’s short translated clip from the stream)
The legendary 78 years old stream, you really need to watch it. I thought it was going to be funny but I honestly cried during the latter half. Watch, now (圧) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ftpQHPwGI Vtuber for ALL’s translated clip of the stream)
The CURSED sleep-deprived chatting stream where she talks about her rather interesting past deeds. Just as a disclaimer, I do not endorse her past actions, but I think she has changed, and that we shouldn’t judge someone for something they have moved past. (https://youtu.be/YM3OGGvvZww ---CONTENT WARNING: includes descriptions of actions that could be interpreted as grooming, and other generally disgusting topics, translated clip by Shabbysubz)
Joined AKUKIN Constructions as an HR manager and together with Mio helped Aqua recruit workers for the company. There was a rather big incident with a certain brat, but let’s not talk about that (kusa) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SSXIuRupaM -- the incident, translated clip by Hololive Posting)
Carried an Among Us game as the imposter even though she doesn’t really know what was going on and constantly being afraid to kill (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY-kc_70mUg --- translated clip by Virtuals Translated)
Together with the rest of Sankisei, fought it out in Super Smash Bros and unleashed EVA unit 01 from its slumber. (https://youtu.be/0FlKaEsP5yM -- Sushi’s translated clip of the moment of awakening)
Participated in the Hololive Autumn Athletic Meet in Minecraft, I honestly would just recommend you to just watch the whole stream, but if you don’t have the time there are many clips of the event on Youtube. （https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqZLOYeStrs -Japanese clip of all the moments Marine got to shine, my favorite part is when she couldn’t bring herself to calm down before the relay run, with her hands shaking and her voice quivering due to a trauma about it she got in school)
Participated in the first day of the 2ND LIVE with her singing “Ahoy! We are the Houshou Pirates!”
Got 3rd place in the Hololive Mario Kart tournament. She was coached by Nijisanji’s Rindou Mikoto, an amazing Mario Kart player and a big fan of Marine. (https://youtu.be/e980A-F9kqc -- clip of her roasting everyone after getting 3rd place)
Together with Aqua, Himawari Honma (Nijisanji) and Tsukino Mito (Nijisanji) played Momotarou Densetsu and showed the bonds of AquaMarine (kusa) (https://youtu.be/uzsTWkMvXl8 -- the devs don’t allow clips of the game so here’s the full stream)
Made a mod for Rimworld to have the colonists look like Hololive Members and built a colony with many stories. I will link to u/unreasonabletakes9301’s summaries for people interested.
One night, while sober she called Shion, Russia, and Kiara and created the greatest Televonella in world history (https://youtu.be/2FAGJ_0NH-4 ---blub’s translated clip of the events, just watch, words are not enough to explain how great this is)
On the 18th of January, she finally achieved 1 million subscribers! Congratulations to our Captain! Timeline 11 August 2019 Youtube debut 2 January 2020 News Year costume debut 24 January 2020 hololive 1st fes. non-stop story (Toyosu Live) 15 February 2020 3D model debut 30 July 2020 Birthday / "Ahoy! We are the Houshou Pirates!” release 5 August 2020 Channel reaches 500,000 subscribers 11 August 2020 1 year of activity 18 October 2020 Goth loli costume debut 21 December 2020 hololive 2nd fes. Beyond the Stage (1st Stage) 18 January 2021 Reaches 1 million subscribers Addendum A (Favorite Fanmade Creations)
Addendum B (Describing established pairings) (super personal views)
MariRushi (Marine x Rushia) confused newlyweds trying to figure out what kind of relationship they should have
MariFure (Marine X Flare) adult friends who understand each other very well, has an air of infidelity to it, making it super spicy
PekoMari (Pekora x Marine) Marine is Pekora’s number 1 fan, always watches her and cares for her very much. Pekora is reluctant to open up her heart but is noticeably more open to her than most people.
AquaMarine (Aqua x Marine) Aqua is the daughter and Marine is the mom. Marine acts very doting towards her and will RP as an annoying mom every time they are together. Super cute.
ShioMari (Shion x Marine) One-night stand (?) that went wrong. Still a bit awkward with each other but still are great friends.
Promising new pairings
MariLamy (Marine x Lamy) Pissed off and annoyed Lamy doing Tsukkomi is the greatest thing ever
BabaDona (Marine x Subaru) Subaru’s tsukkomis are on point
First of all, this is a throw away account. English is not my main language, and this might be a big post, sorry for that. For years I wanted to be a mom and finally when I got pregnant every day of this pregnancy was like living the dream, I had an amazing pregnancy and was in the clouds. When my daughter was born, from day 1 she had to be in bed with me because otherwise nothing would stop her from crying. At home, it was me and her for the first months and it was horrible. They say motherhood changes you. Well, it destroyed me profoundly. I never felt so anxious, alone, scared, panicking and like the whole world is weighing on me. For several weeks I felt too much anger, too much to bare, like it just could kill me, it was too much to feel, it felt like I was so angry I could explode. And it killed me... I really felt like I hated each bit of this person I was becoming. I was ashamed and disgusted of me, barely showering, barely eating or drinking, barely living... I dreaded each second I had to put my baby to sleep. I dreaded to be trapped with my baby from 6-7pm with her, in a dark pitch room to another day and this dark room, unable to room an inch, was giving me so much anxiety I felt like I was in a coffin kind of scare. I never ever in my life felt this bad. Months in and it got better but I feel like mentally I will never recover. I know its such a dramatic statement, but I am really scared of how this experience impacted me. I still don't feel like I am me. My daughter is almost 1.5y and she is fighting her nap but absolutely still needs it. So I spend hours trying to convince her to sleep, then I am trapped with her sleeping on me, then I just do what I can on the house, cook and go back to sleep mode. Its like everything I do is running through chores so I can go back to sleep battle. Like my whole life is still around this sleeping scenario that I hate with every bit of me. I feel like I am just waiting for the day to be over, every day. Today I put my baby in the crib, she was crying and I took a shower. Only a few times I left her like this in her crib and I felt awful, like I am feeling now. But at this point, I honestly think its all just a change of scene, everything is awful as it is. I will loose my job also. I am sure of it. I cant work, there is no daycare, no change of babysitter. And bills are out the door, I need to work! Baby wont let me. She almost broke my computer once, and its too expensive to afford currently... I received quite a few messages criticizing me in my main, telling me to go kill myself, that my baby deserves another mother. Maybe she does. Sometimes when she is screaming I look outside and I feel like all I want is to disappear, to pick my stuff and disappear. She would be ok with family, away from me. I try to read books with her, sing to her, I bought so many things for her and I feel like I am only boobs to her. Like she wants to breastfeed 24/7. And this is also taking a toll on me, I have bruises all over my chest. Yes, she is teething. But has been 3 good days for 2 or 3 awful nightmarish weeks since ever. I hate myself that I dont find enough patience most days, specially at the end of the day and I put the TV on with cartoons so I can have a minute to brush my teeth or make dinner. I feel like I need help but I dont know how, from who... I am again thinking about sleep training and it makes me feel awful too. Its like theres no way, everything is awful, its a matter of picking a choice, any is awful. Either continuing sleep deprived and loose my job, or sleep train and keep my job and sleep but be a shitty mother as many have told me through pm. I feel like its all like a joke because I wanted so bad to be a mom. I have friends that got pregnant by "accident" and have such quiet babies and dont even do 1/5 of what I do with all my effort and strength. Some will just give a baby a pacifier and they fall asleep while I had to baby wear, bounce and pace around for hours and hours, and hours those firs half of the first year... I keep on thinking maybe I am the problem. Is there something, some place, some sort of professional who could help me? Help my baby, make our lives out of this misery? Thanks everyone who had the time to read
I’m really happy guys! My university group was the only obstacle to not delete WhatsApp. Today I sent a message to our group, after that everyone downloaded and joined our new Signal group. It was unexpected!!
Guys take actions that’s a revolution, privacy is a fundamental human right. I’m in a 3rd world country, no one care about privacy, so I thought I couldn’t do anything. But I said let’s try it to see what happen. Believe me I thought it will made me stupid and maybe they say what we have to hide. But I didn’t expect that, everyone listened and agreed with me then we all moved to Signal. Only one person made a joke, then inevitably he moved because we all moved to Signal. So yeah guys, your messages make a change, do it, encourage people, for the sake of humanity. Sorry for my bad English. Edit: I edited to say that I’m really happy that for the first time my Signal is full of messages lol. I My Signal was always empty, it was only me. Now all of my friends are in there :D
Exiting the Gardener’s shuttle, Aaron found Tsy’Lo’s warnings to be quite incorrect. The area was built to accommodate the huge insects and he had no problem making his way through the shuttle bay and into the large trading area beyond. He quickly made a beeline towards the sellers of clothing, having been allocated some funds for necessities, but no denim for jeans or leather for jackets made selection a very difficult proposition for the unimaginatively-attired human. After a lot of indecision the foremost Earth fashion designer in the galaxy finally chose several pairs of plain black trousers, and six shirts - three black and three white. He added a short black jacket in which he had a flexible panel placed where a shirt chest pocket would be. The panel was a colour screen linked to his translator and Tsy’Lo shimmered with flecks of metallic green at his consideration. His choice of light workout clothing was similarly uninspired, although he did add three white stripes down the side of the black outer garments. Additionally, he also selected some formal clothing suitable for his eventual meeting with the Gardener Queen. Tsy’Lo paid, organised the receipts and arranged for the items to be sent to their shuttle. Aaron noticed confusion in their colouration. "You don't like my new clothes?" The Tricinic seemed to swirl between bold blue and a pale lime green. "You said you love colour, yet choose none." The human gave a half-hearted smile. "Colour means a lot to your people, as well as the Gardeners. Wearing a mix of colours may have a meaning I'm not aware of. Plus, black and white have meaning for my people." Tsy’Lo considered the human and his usual disregard for inter-species etiquette. “I probably don’t want to know the answer.” Curiosity really was a nuisance. “But, what is the meaning of black or white clothing.” Aaron’s eyes narrowed as he seemed to be wrestling with a decision. “Let’s just say, I haven’t decided what hat I’m going to be wearing.” It took a moment for the translation to be double-checked as his guide verified his words. “You didn’t buy any apparel for the head.” “Very true.” With that non-question suitably not answered, Aaron changed the subject. “I have some other things I’d like to buy, before the tour begins.” The crystal being nodded; they were well aware of the maintenance an organic lifeform must perform, as well as the waste management. “Will you require privacy, or are your needs of a less intimate nature?” Aaron was momentarily confused. “Intimate?” Tsy’Lo shimmered with metallic purple glitter as they considered the various facts and rumours they had heard about organic bodies. “Potions… and brushes... for the removal of dirt and…” Under pressure the Tricinic fell back on a complaint that Charnock regularly made. “moss?” The human’s laughter was loud and genuine, drawing attention from several nearby traders. “Moss!” The question had caught him off guard, and tears streamed down his face as he attempted to force back his laughter. It took several deep breaths for him to recover. “Actually, I’m good for dirt removal, and moss. The Gardeners have these cubicles for removing pheromone buildup and it’s like a whole body pressure wash. Cold, but invigorating. Oh, and the chewy sap stuff they gave me keeps my teeth clean and breath fresh. Tastes funky, but does a good job.” Noticing the shifting tones of Tsy’Lo’s colours he moved the subject forward again. “It’s about my role as Ambassador.” It was the S.T.A.R.S agent’s turn to be surprised. “You plan on taking your role seriously?” Aaron nodded. “Absolutely.” He smiled as yellow flushed with crimson filled his companion. “You’re pretty relieved?” A splash of coral touched Tsy’Lo. “Your resistance has been of some concern to Commander Bertolannixostraphes, and myself. Your willingness to offend our benefactors is-” “Benefactors?” He interrupted. “Your benefactors, my captors. And, you’re their willing accomplice so...” Seeing the shocked greying of Tsy’Lo’s colours caused Aaron to pause and reign in his anger. “Look. Forget that. If I'm Earth’s Ambassador I should do things right. I can’t show up empty handed; it’s traditional to bring a gift, something meaningful.” The Tricinic was pleased, as this change of perspective was exactly what they had hoped for when arranging this trip. “You want to buy the Queen a gift?” Aaron’s head tilted from side to side. “Kind of.” He squatted to talk on a more even level. “It has to be just right, I can’t buy something.” He saw understanding in the colours. “I was hoping to get materials, so I can make something. I’m not really good at that kind of stuff, but it needs to be “human-made” to be an appropriate gift.” The translator took a moment. “That does make sense, I suppose. The exchanging of gifts is often culturally significant.” Another pause and a decision was reached, Tsy’Lo’s colours becoming more distinct. “Creating a gift sounds like a positive step towards accepting your position. As long as you continue to stay on agreed upon topics of conversation, I will help you gather the necessary materials. Do you know what you require?” A broad grin broke out on the human’s face. “I have a list.”
The old Procyon behind the counter scrutinized the list on the datapad, tagging a couple of items to bring them to the top of the file. Pointing at the first he said, “I’ve never heard of this one.” He tapped on the second. “This is on the restricted list.” Tsy’Lo looked to Aaron, expecting disappointment, but the human was still smiling. “The first one is a rare mineral, and I’ve attached an atomic blueprint. I think you can make it with some small adjustments to your industrial fabricator – I’ve added those as well. And, I think you’ll find that I’ve requested an amount of that restricted item that falls under the legal requisite for declaration if approved by a ranked officer.” He placed his hand on Tsy’Lo’s shoulder. “Genuine S.T.A.R.S. agent here, fresh from rescuing me and recovering a lost Gardener ship. We shouldn’t have any problems, right?” The Procyon tugged at his greying ear. “Hmmm, I guess not. If your adjustments work, that is. How come you know so much about this, if you’re new?” He looked over the list once again. “What did you say this was for again?” Aaron leaned one elbow on the counter, having to bend over quite far due to the height difference. “I may not look it, but I’m an important diplomat on my way to meet with the Gardener Queen. These items will be used to make a gift, it’s traditional for my people. My journey has left me with some free time and I did some research, used some fragment of my imagination to put the pieces together.” The trader looked past the large alien to the Tricinic who quietly affirmed his extravagant tale. With a dubious shake of his head he accepted the list. “I’ll send it to your shuttle.” “Excellent! Put a little bonus on there for your time.” Aaron wasn’t paying and his newly acquired good humour had him feeling very generous. “I’ve got to go and let my guard here show me around in a desperate attempt to stop me starting a war that could end your entire way of life.” Once again the old Procyon couldn’t believe his ears and looked beyond the strange new alien to the Tricinic. As Tsy’Lo confirmed the being’s words he swallowed and nodded. “May the gods guide you,” he said weakly. With the human’s mood improving so rapidly, Tsy’Lo began humming and giving off a pale golden glow as they resonated with his energy. “Now, we can go beyond the trade area and see the real heart of Toivoa. This is my home, so follow me and ask whatever questions you like.” Aaron pulled the three golden snitch-cams from his pocket and let them lift gently into flight. He checked the settings on his datapad before giving a broad smile and launching into his on air persona. He was suddenly enthusiastic, happily describing what was around him and introducing Tsy’Lo to the reality of holiday vlogging. His chatter soon ended as they reached the end of the trade area. “This door’s a bit on the small side; isn’t there supposed to be a mushroom with eat me on it?” The golden glow dimmed slightly. “I told you it would be a tight fit. The trade area is designed to accommodate the Gardeners. Beyond that, things are scaled for normal species.” With a mocking tone he replied, “That’s kinda species-ist. I’m normal.” He ducked through the small doorway and found himself in a corridor that was about a head too short for him. Bending his knees slightly, stopping and tilting his head to the side somehow allowed him to make it work. “Well, now I know how Gulliver felt.” The corridor was brightly lit and branched several times as Tsy’Lo began talking of their time on board, and the history of the Toivoa station. Aaron had never been good at history, as dry facts and dates were hard to absorb; he lost focus several times. The Tricinic began to grow irritated with his blank face and monosyllabic replies. “Are you paying attention?” “I’m trying!” Aaron replied, his neck, knees and back beginning to ache from his awkward stance. “Why don’t you just have a movie or something I can watch? Or jazz the story up with some drama.” He sighed. “You all have super interesting, albeit a little tragic, backstories. Then you come under the Gardener’s protection and just hide. Toivoa’s history is just a series of - and then this species was rescued and took a while to integrate, but we all made accommodations and got along peacefully. It’s pretty fucking dull.” Gold and red lightning accompanied the flush of deep red and purple as Tsy’Lo slipped to a deeper resonating pattern. “Dull! The story of our integration and cooperation, despite our various histories, is NOTdull!” “Oh come on!” Aaron laughed. “You’re like a D and D group who all became farmers. Did nobody want revenge? Not one group wanted to go off beyond Gardener space and seek a better future?” Tsy’Lo’s anger subsided and was replaced with twinkling confusion. “But… we’re safe here? Why would we risk that safety, and the safety of those around us?” Aaron attempted a shrug. Due to his cramped position, this simply resulted in him banging his head on the corridor ceiling. “Ow.” He rubbed the mild pain away. “I dunno. Maybe, if you hadn’t been hiding, the Anatidae and those other fuckers wouldn’t have been able to rewrite history. Maybe, they wouldn’t have built a huge Federation and be coming for you now. Maybe, some of those races who were wiped out would have had a chance. Maybe, some of the races who ended up here would have still had their homeworlds.” The Tricinic had regained a little of their lightning, and the translator managed to pick up on their tone. “Maybe we would have been wiped out completely! Who would have told our stories then? Who would remember us? Last human, who will remember you?” The human shrugged, this time dipping his head awkwardly. “Anyone who eats a cupcake,” he replied flippantly before taking a more serious tone. “My friends will remember me. Those I’ve inspired will remember me.” He looked away. “People who I’ve wronged, killed their family and friends... They’ll hate me for the rest of their lives.” Tsy’Lo’s light dimmed and their lightning faded. “I… I… didn’t know.” Aaron looked down, his lips thin and tight. “Didn’t know I’m a killer? Well, I am.” He paused, watching the brightness fade from Tsy’Lo’s colour. “When I tell you that I won’t remain a prisoner, I mean it. I’ll meet the Queen and hear her out. After that, if I don’t get to go home…” He paused, not wanting to give too much of his plan away. “Well, let’s just say after that, the gloves are off.” Seeing the words on the translator screen, the Tricinic began to sense the depth of sadness and anger that had been hidden beneath the human’s loudness and strange, abrasive humour. One thing stuck out though, and curiosity caused Tsy’Lo to question before thinking, “But, you didn’t buy any apparel for the hands.” “Very true.” Aaron took a deep breath in through his nose before blowing it out in one long exhalation. “Let’s change the subject.” He seemed to shake off his worries. slipping back into his smiling persona for the drones. “Didn’t you say you would get me some good food? Yoshi said her people cook seasoned meat over wood fires, and after nothing but Gardener juice I would love some barbecue.” The dark mood faded quickly, much to Tsy’Lo’s relief, and by the time Aaron had finished his third plate of assorted charred flesh and plant matter he was joking and laughing as if nothing had happened. The Tricinic quietly watched as the human interacted with the other patrons of the eating establishment, observing their wariness slowly being replaced with surprise, then amusement. He made jokes they could not get, lacking the cultural keys to unlock their meaning. It didn’t seem to matter as they still laughed with him and, once he showed off his drone cams, became willing participants. The visit to the station school began similarly. The children, so fearful of the huge alien, stammered through the short presentation Tsy’Lo’s former teacher had them prepare. The human then taught the children songs from his world. Despite the meaning of many of the words being shrouded in mystery the children were soon singing and laughing along with the oversized entertainer. The song regarding the city of paradise was still being sung when they made their departure, but Tsy’Lo preferred the one about the sweet child. The human’s drones had been quickly forgotten, but they were still capturing every moment. The S.T.A.R.S. officer was starting to get a strange feeling. Things were going to plan, exactly to plan. With the human. Something was definitely wrong, but they could not figure out what it was. Tsy’Lo watched as Aaron stretched his aching joints in the large, open air arboretum where the Mycena people spent much of their time. They approached him as he was directing several of them into position. “Is this really a thing on your world?” Aaron nodded, pushing a crate into place. “Absolutely. Unfortunately you don’t have any big green pipes, but we can’t have everything.” Tsy’Lo looked along the obstacle course the human was building. “And the objective is to avoid the Mycena and reach the flag?” Without considering his words the human replied swiftly, “Well, normally you jump on their heads, but we’re skipping that part.” He saw the colours of concern flashing through his companion. “Relax, I don’t plan on murdering Toad’s relatives. I just want a really good thumbnail for GalacTube.” With that he took off at a run, leaping boxes and dodging the Mycena as the small mushroom-like people tried to tackle him. His exercise regime had paid off and he was soon jumping for the finish flag. He pointed at a small Mycena child. “Now’s your moment, kid!” The Mycena stepped forward hesitantly, a datapad held in front of them. “Da Pwincess is in anufra cassel!” Everyone cheered and Aaron swept the child up and spun them around. Putting them down he knelt and said, “That was perfect; you’re the best English speaker on the station!” The translator had taken a few extra moments, as Tsy’Lo had been tapping the screen several times for further definitions as the human ran the gauntlet. “I don’t understand what this has to do with your claws?” A flush of pale blue followed by swirls of green showed they were moving on from that thought to something more important. “GalacTube? Your media sharing? You still want to go home, even after seeing the lives you will put in jeopardy?” “I didn’t ask to be kidnapped.” He paused. Technically, he had sort of volunteered, but he had been very drunk. Also, stepping blindly into the unknown did not mean he had to accept the outcome without a fight. “I won’t abandon my responsibilities. I can’t. That asshole Krast is going after my friends, and I owe him a world of hurt. I protect my friends.” Tsy’Lo’s lightning returned. “Your tone indicates you are saying we do not help our friends.” Aaron made sure the drone cam was on him. “The Gardeners are your friends, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “They saved you, all of you. They defend the borders and keep your secret.” A few of the Mycena were now listening in as Aaron raised his voice just a touch. “How many Gardeners have died protecting you? The Federation just wiped out a whole ship, and wanted to do much worse. The Federation are coming. There will be war. So, will you let your friends fight alone, again, while you hide and remain secret?” One of the Mycena who Aaron had been using for his game piped up angrily. “What are you saying?” Aaron turned and looked down at the alien. “How many Gardeners will you allow to die to protect yourselves? How many are you worth?” He turned and looked at Tsy’Lo. “Or you?” Tsy’Lo shifted through several colours Aaron didn’t have names for. “Human, we should discuss this back on the ship. As we agreed!” The human nodded, but decided to make one last point. “You said the Gardeners couldn’t defeat the Federation in a full blown war.” Tsy’Lo’s colours silently agreed. “Well? Then what?” The Tricinic saw the concern amongst the Mycena, already whispering among themselves. “We should go. Now.” They took out their communicator and began tapping out a message. The loud Mycena from before stopped Tsy’Lo. “Is what he says true? Are the Federation starting a war?” “No. Of course not.” The S.T.A.R.S. agent began moving away. “The human is exaggerating.” Another Mycena called out, “What about the ship you came on? He said the Federation killed the crew. We were told it was a life support malfunction.” The first joined in. “That never sounded right to me. What else aren’t you telling us?” The second yelled, “What does he mean the Gardeners are dying for us? The threat of the Hive keeps them at bay!” They yelled out the slogan as they pointed to a pillar with a dirty screen playing a message. “That’s what we were always told!” Aaron looked at the screen, brushing away at the layers of dust. Heroic Gardeners were boarding their ships and patrolling the edges of their space. Other ships came close, but fled as the fearsome Hive approached. He held up his datapad as a message scrolled across the screen. Our enemies dare not draw near. The threat of the Hive keeps them at bay! “They don’t know.” He slowly turned to look at Tsy’Lo who was now several shades paler, and greyer. “Of course, you don’t have a public data network in case the signals are detected - news travels slow, and the folks in charge control the whole thing.” The Tricinic was positively humming. Aaron didn’t recognise the frequency, but it felt like fear. “We have to leave. Now.” The gathered Mycena were all shouting questions, and the human was about to start talking when a dozen uniformed aliens of varying species came running towards them. Aaron and Tsy’Lo were swiftly taken away, the human barely able to scoop up his belongings. They were rushed back to the waiting shuttle, which departed immediately. The silence on the return journey was stifling. Aaron focused on his datapad, but after what felt like forever he decided to test the waters of conversation. “How much trouble am I in?” Tsy’Lo hummed a little softer. “Less than me. You are protected by the Gardeners, but I doubt they will let you back on Toivoa again.” “Sorry.” “Why?” Twinkling lights flowed back into their crystals. “You agreed not to talk about these things. Now, I may lose my position. I may even get banned from Toivoa if they can not convince the others you were lying.” Aaron felt a pang of guilt. “Do you trust me?” “After this?” Tsy’Lo flashed several times before settling back to a strawberry milk swirl. “I am probably wrong to do so, but yes. I trust you.” The red lightning flared up again. “I may regret this deeply, but I will help you.” With a roguish grin that Ranjaz would be proud of, the human innocently replied, “Help me with what?” Shards of blue cut through the pink clouds. “I trust you because I am beginning to understand you. You have a plan, and it is most likely terrible. But if I can help you return home, I will.” Aaron looked to the pilots and back to Tsy’Lo. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have a genius escape plan that even I think might be a little extreme.” The flashes from Tsy’Lo were enough to show the message was received. “Oh, in our rush I accidentally took the mushroom kid’s datapad. Can someone return it to them?” “That can be arranged.” The Tricinic saw the human close a window that featured his face, before handing it over. “You know, we could just have you spend more time with the other refugees - more than likely they'll all willingly vote to send them back to the Federation.” The human’s smile was warm once more. “But then, who would give the Queen my gift?”
I don't know about anyone else but I enjoy listening to a podcast or watching the youtube videos reacting to the episode but I've been so frustrated watching them and people just not getting the British references whatsoever. For me it is two-fold, Americans not getting the British references and English people not getting Scottish references so I figured I would do put all the references I caught in a post for the sake of these poor international viewers (who I don't blame for not knowing the references) and the Vivienne. Of course I am not going to get everything so if I have missed anything/got anything wrong please message below. Lawrence says his jokes come from ‘a penguin chocolate bar’. This is pretty self explanatory - these are chocolate biscuits with cheesy jokes (similar to those in Christmas crackers) on the wrapper. TIL these were actually first made in Glasgow and Australians maybe familiar with Tim Tams which are based on the Penguin - thanks wikipedia. Rupaul says Britain loves a big poll. Presumably he is referencing the numerous elections and referendums preceding filming. Generally elections in the UK are every 4-5 years however for many complicated reasons we saw a general election in 2015, 2017, 2019 as well as a Scottish independence referendum in 2014 and the Brexit referendum in 2016. The British public are very fatigued with elections. Secretary of shade, Trade minister, Leader of the house of lording it up, Baroness basic obviously all plays on political posts. The house of Lords is the 'upper chamber' of the UK parliament as is very controversial as members are unelected and many of the members are hereditary peers. Ru refers to the West End when explaining the task. This refers to the West End of London where many of the cities theatres are concentrated and is pretty much the British equivalent of Broadway. Rats the Rusical: clearly a reference to the musical Cats by Andrew Lloyd Webber, one of the longest running musicals in both the west end and on broadway. If you are not familiar with Andrew Lloyd Webber please take some time to do so he is a very eccentric character. I would recommend his judging on BBC shows Over the Rainbow as well as the ones looking for Joseph (of the dreamcoat) and Nancy (from Oliver), I don't know if you can actually watch these anywhere but plenty of clips on youtube and Andrew Lloyd Webbers facial reactions are priceless. Evita von Fleas (Veronica character) a portmanteau of Evita (another Lloyd Webber musical about the life of Eva Peron) and Dita Von Teese (the burlesque dancer). Dame Dudy Stench (Ginny's character): A play on Dame Judi Dench, one of cast in the original production of Cats, and internationally known actress. Not a reference (that I know of) but I enjoyed Tia calling Ellie diamond, Eleanor Elizabeth Rhinestone! Sack of spuds: Spuds is a slang term for potatoes - either this or Tayce is referring to Baga Chipz mum. Lawrence talks about people making fun of his accent but not making fun of Ellie's because they don't understand her. I thought I would give a local (Glasgow) perspective on this. Dundonian (native to Dundee) accents are notoriously difficult to understand but Ellie actually does not have a thick accent at all, presumably she is from a middle-class background as I don't think her accent reads particularly as Dundonian. Similarly Lawrence does not have a typical Glaswegian accent, in fact I was surprised to hear he was from Glasgow after hearing him speak, Lawrence certainly has a thicker accent (although it does feel a little put on) but it does not automatically read as Glaswegian. I did in fact discover Lawrence is originally from Helensburgh a relatively small town about 30 miles from Glasgow towards a much more remote area of Scotland (Argyll) which may explain the accent not being typically Glaswegian. I know you guys didn't ask for an essay on this but.... Both Lawrence and Sister Sister refer to 'bricking it'. I'm not sure if this is a British term but similar to 'Shitting a brick'. it means being terrified/extremely nervous. Tayce is asked if she is more of an Elaine Paige or a Jane Mcdonald. Elaine Paige is a very well know musical theatre actress who also was in the original cast of Cats. Jane Mcdonald found her fame on a 90s documentary about a cruise ship on which she was an entertainesinger. Nowadays she presents on TV and releases corny albums of cover songs. Cherry discusses with Sister Sister her traveller background. Travellers (also known as gypsies) are in fact not just one group of people, predominately in the UK they are Romani or Irish travellers, however I am also aware of Highland travellers and showpeople (who travel with their fairgrounds). These are all distinct groups of travellers and Cherry does not explain her background any further so we do not know which group she is from. Travellers often(but not alway) live in caravans and often (but not always) travel to find work. There are a lot of stereotypes and prejudices about gypsy travellers and to complicate matters some of these stereotypes can be quite real - there are numerous troublesome aspects of gypsy culture as demonstrated in Cherry talking about toxic masculinity in the community. I recommend the book Gypsy Boy by Mikey Walsh that talks about growing up gay in a traveller community. Sister asks if it is ok to say 'gypsy' as this can be considered to be a racial slur. Most peoples awareness of the traveller community in the UK will come from the TV show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. The guest Sheridan Smith is an actress who started her career in sitcoms and has since moved on to become a successful west end star in recent years. EDIT: Sheridan starred as Cilla Black (see below in a 2014 series about her life and this is likely the reason for the runway theme Alan Carr mentions '5 guys named Moe' - I didn't get this but apparently it is a musical. The runway name 'Surprise Surprise' was taken from a TV show presented by Cilla Black from 1984 to 2001 and would help people fulfil their wishes - surprise! Cilla was a singer in the 60's friendly with the Beatles (I think she worked in the cavern club) who had some success but was far more successful hosting both this show and Blind Date for many years. You may recognise the name from the Vivienne talking about possibly doing her for snatch game last series. She had a very distinct voice and was much loved, she would make a brilliant snatch game character. Here she is with a much younger Lorraine Kelly. In the musical they make reference to the terrible Cats film - pretty self explanatory. Depravity and Dysentry/Diptheria's section is clearly a reference to The Prodigy - Firestarter. I can remember this song coming out as a child and it being very controversial. I'm not sure if the prodigy were successful internationally but they certainly were here. Runway references: Awhora: Freed the slaves - reference to Abraham Lincoln, I don't think this made sense on a UK show Gentleman Jack of all trades - refers to a BBC drama Gentleman Jack about Anne Lister a 19th century landownediarist/lesbian from Halifax. Robber bridegroom - apparently a fairytale, I didn't get this reference. EDIT:Robber Bridegroom) Lawrence: Saltire - the Scottish flag (St. Andrews cross) Bravetart - Referring to the historically inaccurate film Braveheart about the Scottish wars of independence Och aye the noo-noo - Och aye the noo - a phrase never used by Scottish people but is used as a stereotype by people attempting a Scottish accent. It literally means 'Oh yes, just now'. Alan changes it to noo-noo to make it sound like a ladies private parts? Bagpipes in the shagpipes - I don't know if shagpipe is an actual thing or whether its just a play on the traditional scottish instrument to make it sound like a penis (to shag is less offensive was of saying to fuck in UK) License to Kilt - License to Kill, James Bond play on words with Kilt - traditional highland wear Ginny: Mrs. Overall - Please watch Acorn Antiques this is a character played by Julie Walters in a sketch show with Victoria Wood. Very funny. Croc Destroyers - I'm sure you all know the Cock Destroyers by now Darling bums of May - Darling Buds of May, a novel and 90s TV series that I don't know much about other than it having Catherine Zeta Jones in it. Asttina: Asttina's runway is a mortal kombat character - sorry but I don't know this reference either EDIT:Mileena from Mortal Kombat. Ninja with a minja - Minge is British slang for vagina Tayce: Mingeavitis - see above Bimini: Alexander Mcqueen Michelle says Tia's costume looks like it comes from Angels - this seems to be a fancy dress (costume) shop in London - I'd be surprised if anyone outside of London knew the reference. I certainly had to look it up, it seems pretty obscure. EDIT: See comment below apparently they also produce costumes for theatre and film. Sheridan says 'Maybe I am thick'. In this context thick means stupid, I'm not sure if this term is used elsewhere. Wow that took me longer than expected and I ran out of steam a bit at the end there. If you think its useful I will do for episode 1 too, if not I won't because that took a long time! Haha. Let me know if I have missed anything and I can add it in!
I've seen that stalkercel has been DMing a bunch of people who doesn't know him yet, so i guess i'll be reposting the "stalkercel care package" made by u/Newbielurker, thanks for taking the time to make such a good resource!
Originally posted by u/Newbielurker i just wanted to share it since a lot of people doesn't know what the heck is going on and are been Dm'd by him again, thanks Newbie! Hey- If you are reading this, it is because a very sad individual has chosen to try and intimidate you. He goes by many names (because he gets his account suspended at a weekly or semi weekly basis) and uses many subs (because most subs he uses either ban him or get banned), but here’s a few things you should know about him. WHO IS STALKER CEL?
He is 35 years old, around 5'10, and 130 pounds, from America. He thinks he has a small penis (around 5 inches he says), and has difficulty getting an erection. He's physcially quite weak, but makes loud claims like he can lift 500 pounds, and then state he can lift 50 pounds. Truth is he stopped lifting because it was too hard (a common theme)
He has a brother and a nephew, who seem more succesful than him in terms of finding a partner and a child, though stalker-cel states he has had more difficulty managing money, while stalker-cel has been buying old social media accounts form places he has been banned.
He is absolutely obsessed with people making fun of him at the expense of all other interests, hobbies and pursuits. He has fixated in twelve month old conversations and come running back to try to get people off the internet. This is all he does, no job, hobbies or friendships. He has said he has a million people he wishes were dead to try to not make anyone feel special by being a target but it comes across as him spending all his time building up dossiers on people he hates
his obsession has lead at least one friend to say they are done with him, though friends he has met online who also spend their time doing nothing but fighting people online so still support him.
The reason he hates people is jealousy and envy that other people appear to have a happier life than him, and blaming them for his own misfortune, rather than trying to do things differently to have a different response.
he is most likely to interact with you directly through a direct message. Previously he would post in a sub, but all subs have banned him or been banned themselves, though there is a chance that he may find a new abandoned and poorly moderated sub to find a home in.
he has regular violent thoughts but has given no sign he is able to make even a phone call let alone act out on them. His violent thoughts are real to him, and normalised to the point that he thinks it is normal to see people as objects while driving and want to murder them
he is very particular about details. if things are 27 years old, he will argue against a person saying it’s around 30. Being 35 is different from being nearly 40.
he collects screenshots from ages old conversations, and keeps details of all his suspended accounts so he can look back at old Conversations
he has been doing this sort of stuff for at least twenty years. He’s close to forty years old. Despite being almost 40 years old he feels like he was a teenager only yesterday, suggesting he hasn't actually done anything of significant for almost twenty years.
he has displayed signs of narcissism, and has a rigid anal retentive streak. He also believes that typing takes a long time to do for others but not himself. His narcissistc traits include the inability to ever consider himself as being wrong (If he ever has to face a fact that he is wrong he will argue he meant something different or that largely the deeper meaning was true); difficulty acknolwdging responsibiltiy for negative events (such as subs he was mainly involved in being shut down due to his actions); and complete hypocrisy when it comes to declaring things right or wrong (he will complain about impersonating others, posting photos without consent, and lying on the tiniest shred of evidence, but will declare he is allowed to do all these things if he feels provoked)
a lot of what he posts about others is projection because he believes his experience of life is the only experience of life. Therefore as he is miserable everyone is secretly miserable. If your engagement shoot doesn’t look like his parents’ well it must be fake because no one has an engagement shoot in a way different from his parents. If you are pregnant you will announce as soon as you can, because that’s what his brother did.
he has an obsession in being thought of as cool. He considers anger and self loathing cool
He has stated he thinks there is no reason to try when other people have failed, and so hasn't tried for years.
He hopes the world will end so he doesn't have to grow up and live.
But at the same time, he recognises his life is bad, saying he hasn't felt refreshed after sleep in ten years, and his life gets worse every year. He tries to reconcile that conflict between thinking he is superior and knowing he hates his life by telling himself everyone else hates their life too, but everyone else lies about it. He recognises he is a failure, but tells himself everyone is a failyre too. Hence why assuming everyone is a virgin NEET just like he is.
he has very low awareness of how he comes across, possibly due to that narcissist trait making it hard to acknowledge mistakes. This results in him saying embarrassing things (see his memories of dog penises), or screenshotting what he thinks is a takedown, but featuring him trying to change the topic when reminded of mistakes he has made.
he has ruled out any way of dating or seeking companionship which requires active participation from him. The idea of online dating is unmasculine to him because real men meet women in the real world, but equally the idea of approaching women in public is rejected by him because real chads don't do that, that's only for low tier men who no woman actually wants. Dating anyone who is not his own race is also dismissed as something that would degrade his superior genes, though he tells himself he could if he wanted to. The only acceptable way to find a girlfriend or sex is to already be a person who people want as a boyfriend or want to have sex with without any effort by the man at all. The only way he has tried to attract a woman is stalking her online, and posting incessantly abotu her when she refuses his advances.
He tells himself he has an attractive personality, but cannot define whatm akes his personality attractive beyond a sense of humour which he recognises he lost almost ten years ago, or that people smiled at him in his College years.
he has described himself as the ugliest man who ever lived with a voice that sounds like Kermit the frog got hit in the nuts
he has supported the idea of paedophilia as natural for all men to feel even if most never act out on them. He has doubled down on this recently saying the only men not attracted to teenagers are themselves lying paedophiles
he sees no problem at all with the idea of killing a goose for the purpose of fucking it
he has a strong familiarity with the doxxing website kiwi farms, and it is rumoured that he has had his real identity featured there
Things that make him angry are english people, people paraphrasing him, and hospice workers
HOW DID STALKER-CEL DEVELOP:
For a guy so quik to doxx, Stalker0cel is also really good at inadvertantly revealing things about his life story.
he has a very detailed childhood memory of his dogs erect penis
As a child he was constantly seen as quiet,lonely and shy. He sees the only alternative was being loud and abusive.
When he did talk to girls, he found them too quiet and would only talk about food, which he deemed stupid and not worth talking about.
He feels he peaked at age 12-13, and everything was downhill since then.
there have been rumours he has been institutionalised before, which he denies but does say he saw a therapist for breaking things when angry, which he thinks was the wrong thing to do. He has stated he saw a therapist for twenty years, finishing at age 26 but says it didn’t work because it didn’t get him a girlfriend, suggesting he was not looking to change his own behaviour or mental health.
One episode of therapy he recalls is telling his therapist about an obsession with a garfield clock he wanted to buy, and that he had kept a photo of the clock so one day he could buy it but was worried he would tear it up. The therapist offerred a photocopy to tear instead, and stalker cel tore both up. He blames the therapist for this.
By the time he was in college he has implied he was aware there was something about him that ensured it was all over.
he has claimed he completed college with a Bachelor of Communications degree with honours, also studying philosophy and at other times saying he did a minor in criminal justice. He has also stated that his degree is worthless and his entire education a waste of time. Considering the amount of time he puts into stalking it is highly unlikely he is using his degree or his alleged intelligence for any practical use. It is likely he chose a degree where employment outcomes are low.
He was given a lot of advantages in college, living in a situation where food, room, board, and computers were all freely given, and assumes everyone else had the same experience. He has a large inheritance which means he hasn't had to work, or work hard to survive.
Despite these challenges, he has implied he struggled in college because while he performed well in school Chad suddenly outperformed him in College. He has blamed this on cheating rather than the reality that the academic requirements for University are much higher than a High School, or admit he had difficulty learning the latin names in anatomy.
During his college years he had a room mate who said he would try to get stalker-cel laid. His room mate did encourage and set up connections with girls, but the girls did not further engage in the conversation. He has not stopped to consider how he could have acted differently in this case. He said that no one talked in classes, but never actually started talking himself.
Despite by his own admission barely talking to girls, he is confident he knows how all girls are, and how they interact, because of his college experience, particularly his visits of strip clubs with his room mate and his friends.
He worked in his college mail room scanning packages, and it seems likely he did not talk about this job for long, maybe as little as for one day. However, it had a lasting memory on him, suggesting it may have been one of the few jobs he ever had and has the fact he did physical work as a point of pride.
He has never had long term paid employment, and has stated he had an eight year employment gap where he did no work at all, and since then had stopped trying to work even when offered.
After finishing college his reports of his social connections are mixed. He ha both cried about having no friends, but also said he has all his friends from college, and all of them have no contact with women (incels and MGTOW)
he survives on an inheritance without any earned income to supplement it
He started focusing on IT members around a year ago, with his obsession growing as he felt he had an audience amongst other incels. Prior to this he was arguing with medical staff that hospice care is a lie for cancer patients.
his mum has told him doing this is a waste of time almost twenty years ago but he didn’t realise it. He gets angry when this is pointed out as he declares “my mum telling me I’m wasting my time online doesn’t mean she thinks I’m wasting my time online”
apparently his mum called me a cunt once. I doubt the veracity of that claim. His Mum also thinks he is good looking which makes him angry
WHAT HE DOES
his biggest claim to fame is being the self described best doxxer there is. Despite this, he is almost comically inept. Only one poster ever left reddit since his stalking and there’s doubt stalkercel was the cause of this. He definitely did doxx one poster, who is still remaining here unchanged, and whose only change of behaviour was deleting an Instagram page never used.
when he finds someone he hates he visualises them, to try to make himself feel superior to them. He’s done this so often that there is a very fixed image in his head for people he hates. Every man is balding with glasses and likes taking selfies in front of soy products and is probably English, either single or with a morbidly obese wife, all women he hates have brightly coloured short hair and have an onlyfans- that sort of thing.
when reality doesn’t match his visualisation, which is automatic and based on nothing, he denies the reality and declares them all lies. If ever proven wrong, he pretends it didn’t happen or go Even further in his denial, declaring pictures faked and so.
his other stated doxxing technique is search through your profile to find what he thinks are contradictions, so he can call you a liar,
when he does doxx, the long term effects are minimal. He will ask for the person to delete their account and when that fails to convince anyone, will return to the same conversation he was having before doxxing
he has a chronic inability to accept he has made mistakes. He has joked he has not made a mistake since 1993, but when he is actually wrong, which is frequent, he will deny any evidence using increasingly bizarre explanations, and if even that fails will say he will pretend what he said before means something entirely different.
he does not like to be reminded of all the people on his list that he has failed to get off reddit, nor of the many times he has been wrong with his assumptions
eventually he moves onto another target when he realises his attempts at intimidation aren’t working, but swears he will return.
he prefers to have an audience for these internet battles, such as other incels, but since he has been kicked out of a lot of subs, and had three others banned, this is harder to come by. Whe nthis happens, he creates other sock puppet accounts to reply to and agree to his posts.
His current method of posting is to karma farm in COVID-19 conspiracy forums, then attempt to post in Incel subs, where in most cases he is banned, or the sub is too new to stop him posting, such is the case in Kindnesscels
WHAT ARE HIS GOALS?
his goal is to feel like he is achieving things by petty internet battles. While online he is detective cel with an audience of Incels (though that has increasingly diminished as his rants have become increasingly personal), but offline he has no achievements.
his other main goal is to try to convince himself he is superior by trying to find ways to discredit or dismiss all other people. One of his central conflicts has been between his desire to be superior (his narcissism) and the reality of his life as a person who has not felt relaxed in ten years, and think his life ended around his college years. He does this through assuming everyone else is as miserable as he is, but everyone else is a liar - hence his assumption that everyone is a NEET incel like him.
In addition, he also spends time on developing terms that are meaningless but he can compare himself against (as in “At least I’m not a soyboy”), or developing arbritrary reasons to discredit the value of others ("he used a semi colon instead of a colon, therefore he is more a failure than me"). Remember it’s easy to not be a certain thing if you are nothing. Often he will be essentially talking to himself and trying to convince himself of things, with the person he is messaging or the subreddit community he is posting in largely irrelevant or unnoticed by him
as for his stated goals, he doesn’t like being nailed down for the simple reason that having a stated goal would mean risking failure. He presents getting people to delete their account as a goal, (even if their reason for leaving reddit is unrelated to him, such as having a baby), but when that fails to happen will say he never had that as a goal.
He has also declared his goal is to encourage suicide of people he hates, which he says number in the millions. As yet he has not convinced anyone to commit suicide and his attempts can be summarised as just telling someone “you are going to kill yourself soon”
WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE MESSAGED BY STALKER CEL
firstly report report report. Yep he’ll come back almost instantly with a new account but better he spends more time on you than you will on him
If you find that these bans are insufficient, pleae email reddit admins directly on [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) and specifically refer to how multiple bans and suspensions have not been sufficient to change his behavior and emphasise the ITears subreddit mods are not only permitting but also supporting his behavior. I can send you an example letter as a template if you like.
if he posts images of you, or even screen grabs of comments you have made without your consent do make a complaint (Under DMCA) to the image hosting services. In many cases as he is posting anonymously the hosting service will remove the image within minutes.
do not try to convince him that he is wrong, or attempt any benevolence. He would rather walk head first through a glass door than admit the sign says pull- you’re not going to convince him of anything.
if you wish to end the conversation, blocking is an option but be aware he is likely to post about you on Kindnesscels and demand you talk to him again
as a narcissist a much more productive response is to “be the grey rock”- give no information, no emotion, no support and no rejection. “Why should I care about this” is another way to do this. Narcissists look to put people into roles of enemy or servant- by being not an enemy but also not supporting him you will be less interesting to him and encourage him to move on
if you wish to irritate him, either remind him of all his failures (the people he promised to get rid of on reddit who remain, or times he declared something to be true when it was completely false) or provide sympathy for him. Remember, a narcissist wants to put people in roles either to worship him, or as an enemy to destroy - someone who sympathises for him does not fill either role
Finally, realise despite his threats, he is harmless. He has doxxed me, and all it lead to was him asking me to shut down my account and going quiet when I said no. Other redditors have given him their address, asking to come attack or send their minions, and nothing has happened. His doxxing and threats are intimidation only, an attempt to scare, and as long as you remain the only result is he learns how much of a failure he has been. His follow through for his plan to "destroy" his opponents is after threatening, doxxing, and threatening again, he declares he is ignoring people or won't be their friend. As a narcissist he thinks this is a punishment, but actually it's what most people want.
WHAT TO DO IF STALKER CEL TURNS UP IN YOUR SUBREDDIT
Do not ignore. He won't go away, he will take over your sub, and lead to Reddit admins getting in touch if left to his own devices. Whatever your sub was about, it would be his sub for harrassment from then on.
Block as a starting point, but consider setting up automoderator requiring a person to have an account that's at least fourteen days old to post. This will keep him out permanently as he can rarely get two days.
If Reddit admins get in touch, work with them. They can provide extra guidance on how to keep control in your sub.
He doesn't take a lot to be blocked from a subreddit, and will leave quickly if automoderator or other limitations will set up, so don't be discouraged that it's pointless or too much hard work.
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