EDIT: Added a warning because people in the comments seem to think I’m trying to manipulate people
WARNING: THIS IS AN EXTREMELY RISKY PLAY: THERE ARE NO METRICS OR CURRENT DATA TO PROVIDE SOLID DD TO HAVE A MORE “CERTAIN” OUTCOME. WHAT YOU ARE TRULY BETTING ON IS OTHER PEOPLE. I WONT TRY TO CONVINCE YOU WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR MONEY. THIS IS MY SPECULATION, MY OPINION AND IT VERY WELL COULD BE WRONG
Hello all,
I wanted to post last night as many of you commenters have asked for however my building lost power and it was absolutely awful. I am currently a refuge and my ladies house and wanted to get this out to the world.
Disclaimer: I am not a financial advisor, but more importantly this is all simply speculation. If anyone wants to make counter claims they are more than welcome but word of advice to all readers. If anyone is claiming that they know exactly what is going to happen...they are lying. There simply isn't enough current data to push this either direction. I am a bull, big time and I would like to explain why.
First let's talk about yesterday
There are a lot of claims of short ladder attacks and the counter-claim is that it was MM's moving the price down. One thing appears certain, there is some sort of manipulation happening in an attempt to drive the price down. Whether this is MM's, HF's, or simply retail shorts and bears; there are a strange number of exchanges happening in a clear effort to lower the price. You can check out the real time quotes here.
Another large thought about why the price should have gone up yesterday was because of the options thats expired Friday 1/29 ITM. The rule is T+2 meaning these individuals have two business days to cover. Well, we expected a surge of these individuals covering and it simply never came. Everyone was glued to the screen Friday ATH waiting to see the spike of covering...but it never happened. Monday again...never happened. Tuesday...oh boy this is their last day they have to cover! Yet...they didn't. So what does this mean? Well, I see two possibilities.

1. They somehow timed it perfectly and covered throughout the dips and spikes
2. They haven't covered yet

I'm in the camp of number 2 hence why I am a bull. If they didn't cover that results in a Failure to Deliver which you can learn about here. So what does this mean for us? Well, that would explain the tremendous price drop as FTD's create "phantom shares" a problem GME is already facing. This will dilute the price tremendously and the amount of FTD's that probably occurred would greatly dilute the price. "With forward contracts, a party with a short position's failure to deliver can cause significant problems for the party with the long position. This difficulty happens because these contracts often involve substantial volumes of assets that are pertinent to the long position's business operations." From the earlier mentioned website regarding FTD's.
Now this is truly fascinating. The 2008 crisis was largely in part due to a mass number of FTD's. In fact, FTD's sometime intentionally happen...just to drive the price down for FUD so they can then cover at a better price.
So if this is correct, what happens next? Well, either you can read about it here. Simply put, the individual has to close out the positions after 13 consecutive settlement days of FTD. So all this logic about T+2 was actually just the logic to begin the FTD countdown, if it hasn't already started at the beginning of this.
Now, I'm not saying "nobody sold" of course people did. But volume is key and the interest in buying outweighed the interest in selling 3-1 Monday and Tuesday. Of course trades are 1-1 but interest was on the buyer side.
Obviously, I don't even need to mention it but restricted trading really is what screwed this thing to begin with. My opinion? It wasn't to prevent a massive short squeeze, it was to buy them time.
Today
So why the hell did it spike this morning? Two reasons.

1. RH still has 100 shares limit on GME, now for those who don't realize, that doesn't mean that is 100 shares per day. No no. The restriction is you can own up to 100 shares of GME. If you already own over 100 shares that's fine, but anyone with less than 100 shares can only add up to that amount. This restriction has not changed and other companies such as Revolut are still imposing a 100% trading restriction on GME. So what did RH offer today? The ability to purchase fractional shares, which doesn't help a whole lot but the fact that buying pressure accelerated at the notion of fractional shares shows that there is still an immense amount of buyers out there.
2. GameStop adds new CTO to the roster, an ex AWS lead engineer. They added other executive positions as well. This further cements the change the company is taking.

Now, before I get into the rest I want to address something: the fundamentals.
There is a disturbing echo chamber around the idea that GameStop is a dying brick and mortar retailer and there is no chance at survival. That is simply not the case. I don't want to do a full GME DD here because this is about the second incoming squeeze. However, let me put it to you this way:
If you were told that a new company was IPO'ing and it was coming to the market with an infrastructure, new talented team, 50 million customers and their plan was to become an e-commerce company to compete with Amazon; their plans for the physical locations was to be game-centric, a place for e-sports to compete, desktop building kiosks, and the newest systems and physical copies of games for those who still love having a physical copy. Not just that, but this company already has revenue share deals with Microsoft and other bigwig companies.
Knowing all that information would you be interested in this company? My answer is an easy yes. The thing with digital transformation and companies changing direction is people get so lost in what the company used to be they can't see what the company is planning on becoming. If this was a brand new company that Ryan Cohen was leading with the same exact model people would be all over the concept.
Enough of that. Let's talking about what is still going on today which is truly fascinating.
So the good news created a large uptick follow by a combination of people escaping with whatever gains they could salvage and some more clear manipulation regardless of the source. But then what? Well, after the bounce down a lot of people saw this as a fantastic buying opportunity which made it recover quickly...but then something interesting started happening. It started uptrending. Slowly. Steadily. Uptrending. Lower lows, higher highs; no sight more beautiful.
My interpretation? We found the bottom of the bears attack. The news has been consistently saying the squeeze is over but one and at time they are saying their might be a second surge and their reasoning is if retailors see this price drop as a buying opportunity instead of red flags, it will surely send the price up. The logic there is simple: if people are buying stock it goes up, if people are selling, it goes down.
So today is pure magic. It doesn't need to be a wild swing up to be promising. What it needs to be is slow, consistent buying pressure even during restricted trading.
But all the shorts covered! Simply not true. That is a fact. All we know is what people are telling us. Melvin says they covered. It will be the third time they have claimed that. Do I think they covered? Yes, I do. Does that matter? No. Now even if Melvin and others covered and the S3 figures are right that means the guess right now is that this stock is still 57% short. Based on their Twitter this isn't including newly opened positions which anyone in their right mind would certainly open a short position when it was 3-400. They thought this bubble would pop and they would make a quick buck. They saw it get down to $85 and started celebrating...but it starting climbing...uh oh.
Truth is, no one will know the real numbers until the 9th. I think it's a little too much tin foil hat to says those numbers will be misconstrued but what we have witnessed over the past few days...it's possible.
So let's talk about who is currently holding GameStop. Well, a shit ton of degenerates that have lost millions of dollars and seemingly don't give a shit. They are here out of principle, truth be told, so am I. I absolutely refuse to give any shares to the shorts after the crap they pulled last week. So we have a ton of bag holders refusing to sell and a ton of people wondering if now is the time to get in for a potential epic second short squeeze. No one is going to sell at these levels. Some people here and there but it simply isn't worth it, not with so much potential for a second squeeze.
So when will this second squeeze happen?
If the newest shorts are smart, it already begun. If I took up a short position and saw this start climbing again after everything it has been through, you better believe I would be covering now while I have profits. Not all of them are going to do this, which is why as the price gradually rises the potential for a larger and larger squeeze is exponential. There is no telling when it will happen. It could be a slow climb for the next couple of weeks before it pops. The 9th will be a huge indicator of what is to come, if that has anywhere above 50% short interest you better believe everyone is going to hop right back into it. It could happen as early as this week. It could be post earnings when Papa Cohen tells us his majestic plans during ER. It could be that ER will actually be fantastic on 03/05 because it will have the console cycle numbers. Look at GME charts in the past, the console cycle always makes the stock pop and with all this attention that very well could be the catalyst.
In summary
I wanted to do deeper analysis for you all but I knew some of you were really looking forward to the next post and my thoughts regarding the situation so I wanted to get something out there. In my opinion, a second surge, a second squeeze is bound to happen. This is a buying opportunity for those who missed the first one and I think the market and stock price is reflecting that sentiment.
Positions:
1100 GME @ $16 closed
500 GME @ $20 closed
50 GME @ $120 open
236 GME @ $250 open
​
TL;DR: I have yet to see any indication or good thesis to explain why the short squeeze would be over. Even if Melvin covered and even if S3 numbers are correct at a 57% short, these are indicators of another squeeze, potentially even more epic. The bleeding days of red on Monday and Tuesday I personally think was a combination of panic selling when premarket and ATH didn't blow up due to the ITM calls and phantom shares being created due to consistent FTD's diluting the share price. I do think these FTD's were intentional and what many are perceiving as a short ladder attack is in fact the creation and purchasing of phantom shares driving the price down. If you are a bagholder, I think it wise to hold, if you have already closed your position I would consider what we are witnessing as another buying opportunity.
Final disclaimer. I have already made a significant sum of money on this GME play. This post is not a hope that you will come rescue me from my bagholding status. The money I put back in was money I was willing to lose and I came back in out of principle to stick it to the man. Good luck everyone and be grateful to be alive during this time, this will go down in financial history quite possibly forever. Retail investors have more power than we think.

Hey guys I'm Seth Everman. I'm a YouTuber and musician. Most people know me as the bald guy who plays piano. I also used to be the world's biggest tumblr user for a few years until I got tired of it and quit the platform. I have created viral videos, tweets, images, memes, and sounds across many social media platforms. I have the world's most liked YouTube comment. I have also done the following:

• Composed a classical music piece supposed to be performed for the Queen of Sweden, but she was sick that day and didn't attend.
• Played roulette once in my life betting on a single number, which hit, giving me a 100% win rate at roulette. I will never play again.
• Been charged at by wild bears (multiple times)
• Been in a plane accident which left me traumatized and afraid of flying to this day.
• Never been recognized in public while wearing a hat (my secret disguise making it possible for me to relax while walking around in public) until January 1st 2021. Thanks a lot Hector at McDonald's...

I also have multiple weird kinds of synesthesia (google it) when it comes to music, dates, the days of the week, and all kinds of weird crap. I don't know what's wrong with my brain except for the severe mental illness haha. Ask me anything!
I will be answering questions right now, BUT I will also come back in 24 hours and answer more questions. I always end up finding reddit posts too late when they've already died out, so this is for the people like myself.
Proof: https://twitter.com/setheverman/status/1350125124201156611

I work at a boutique. We sell clothes and perfume and candles, that kind of stuff. So last week, we were rearranging racks for a sale and my boss tells me to move some pants around.
I go over to this rack of culottes that NO ONE ever looks at because they’re ridiculous, I don’t even know why they’re on the floor during winter. I start flipping through them to see what sizes there are and I spot something small and brown on one of the pants. Sometimes we’ll put a rack of clothes on the sidewalk if the weather is nice, but that hasn’t been for at least a month. So I just think, damn truly no one looks at these pants, how has this leaf been on here so long. I look at it for maybe one second and just brush my hand at it— you know, to get this 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘧 off. And immediately I know, THAT IS NOT A LEAF.
So naturally, I just start screaming. This thing falls on the floor and starts making tiny screechy noises. I bolt to the other side of the store at this point because that one episode of The Office absolutely terrified me. In the process, I knock over a mannequin and dent the crap out of the wood floor. There are a few customers in the store and one of them just keeps yelling WHAT’S GOING ON?! WHAT WHAT WHAT IS IT?! Our little old 70 year old customer sees this tiny winged rat on the floor and starts walking towards it, I still don’t understand what she wanted to do. So I’m yelling for her to move away because uhh RABIES, dude.
This bat just takes off, flying all over the place. Cue all the customers (except the 70 y/o) running in opposite directions, one knocking over a jewelry display and another taking down the curtain to a fitting room. I start yelling for my boss because this was not covered in my training. She comes running carrying two doormats. Looking back, I have no idea what she was planning to do with those. I grab a shoe box as if I’m somehow going to get high enough to catch it.
The bat finally flew to the back of the store and crawled into the gap above our air conditioning vent. All the customers but the 70 year old left, props to her. She actually said “I didn’t think I was gonna go on an adventure today.” That was pretty cute. Thankfully, the bat was caught and released the next day. But yeah, in hindsight, I really wish I’d taken the extra few seconds to register what I was looking at so I could’ve avoided sending everyone into a complete panic and breaking a bunch of stuff. And also avoided touching a bat, even if it was a little bit cute.
TL;DR Touched what I thought was a leaf, ended up sending my workplace into a batshit crazy panic.
Edit: HOLY CRAP. I did not expect this to be so popular. I literally posted this at 4 am because I saw a bat sweatshirt in a thrifting sub and I was like huh I bet Reddit would like to hear about that. Thanks for the awards!
Edit 2: IM SORRY, I added some line breaks. Also I’m going to call my doctor about getting a rabies shot. Yikes!

When I turned 18, there was a casino about 2 hours away on a reservation that I could get into. We'd get paid on Friday night, head to the gas station near us that would cash a paycheck, pile into my crappy little Ford, then make the drive. We'd get there a little before midnight and everyone had their own game.
The second time we went, one of my friends was hypnotized by the craps table. There were 16 players standing around this sea of green, and every minute or so, you could hear them screaming at the top of their lungs like they just won a million dollars. On the way home that night, I taught him everything I learned from books I'd read about the different bets. "Smart" bets where the house edge was only 1.4%, all the way down to the risky ones where the house edge was over 10% (meaning that for every $100 wagered, you should expect to lose $10).
The next time we went, we hung around the table, trying to figure out the right way to bet. It seemed a little complicated, so we tried other games. At the end of the night, I had the last $10 and he asked if he could borrow it to go place a bet. I handed it over, then went to the bathroom in preparation for the ride home. When I finally found him again, he had a stack of chips in front of him. He had been gone for about 5 minutes and already turned $10 into a few hundred. Well, if you can turn 10 into 100, you can turn 100 into 1,000 just as easily. We left empty handed that night, but I'll never forget the rush.
I loved blackjack. I learned how to play at an early age from my uncle, who would always cheat and take my money. He'd say "I just taught you a very valuable lesson." He actually taught me two: 1) if you play against a casino, you may have a good night and win thousands of dollars, but if you keep going back, you'll eventually have nothing left. 2) My uncle was a scumbag who continually cheated and took my money, then told the family I was a poor sport and they couldn't understand why I hated doing anything with him. One of my earliest memories at the casino was running $100 at the blackjack table into $3000, which is more than I made in a month of bussing tables. I went home, paid my rent and blew the rest on useless things I can't even remember.
What does any of this have to do with $GME? Well I'm still chasing the same high as I was when I was 18. I don't go to the casino anymore, but I've got something even better on my computer. I bought $2k worth of weeklies on Jan 25. Before everything crashed, they were worth over $100k, more than enough to fix most of the problems I've caused in my life. BUT, I was still standing around that craps table. The roller had just made his 30th point in a row, $GME was on fire and couldn't possibly roll a 7! I put my 2k back in my pocket and shoved the rest on the pass line. A few minutes later, the croupier inevitably yells "7 out!" and just like that, I'm back to nothing.
Now I do what every moron around the table does. You reach back into your pocket, pull out the 2k and make a deal with your maker. "Just let it happen one more time. I won't be greedy THIS time and I'll stop when I hit 50k." I stop looking at the smart bets and start eyeing the center of the table, where hard ways are paying 10:1. Yeah, that'll be how I get back to 50k. A couple of those in a row and I can put a down payment on a house. 5 minutes later, I'm on my way out to the car and I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Again.
Every one of you in this subreddit is another person sitting at the casino. Everyone has their game. The people holding $GME stonks right now? You're playing baccarat. If you've never heard of it, it's what James Bond plays in the old movies. It's about the most boring thing you can do. Two hands are dealt and you're betting on which one wins before anything happens. There's no actual skill and it's the same thing as betting heads or tails, while losing 1% of your bet every time.
The people who cashed out and picked something else like $AMC or $BB? Those are the slot players. You had a big hit and now you're going to switch machines because the other ones are "due". You're looking for the exact same magic, thinking there was something smart in your play, when it was really just dumb luck in timing.
The people saying "If Daddy Elon or Cowboy Cuban gets in, we can trigger a squeeze!" You're the guy who spent too much money in the first 20 minutes of the trip and now you're begging everyone else for a loan.
Tldr: Nothing is happening with $GME. Stop saying "tomorrow is the day." Billionaires are not coming to bail you out. If institutional investors come in, they're waiting for this constant downhill slide to end at where the stock belongs, probably around $20. You can't trigger shit by holding. The HFs will outlast you.
Edit: Screenshots from the worst 40 minutes of my financial life https://imgur.com/a/MlTRJmx
Edit 2: JFC, some of you are takin WSB way too seriously. You should not be using reddit for DD. Also, this is not financial advice. Don't take financial advice from someone who tells you stories about chasing highs at casinos.
Edit 3: This is WSB, my dudes. I'm glad most of you were entertained by my story. For the few of you who got that worked up by a random stranger on the internet telling you that he's a degenerate, you may actually have a problem. https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/

Since my last story went over so well, I guess I will share another from my time at Macropoint.
Now, some people believe the customer is always right. This is a problematic belief. The truth is, most of the time customer is an entitled twat, but you're supposed to perform admirably anyway. This gets harder when you're dealing with anyone who thinks they know something that they do not.
So a guy comes in to my department and I greet him at the carpet. I tended to be 'Johnny On the Spot' whenever someone came in. "Welcome to Our Build Your Own Department, I'm Anoymouse, what are we putting together today?" The man scoffs at me and says;
"A computer, obviously!" All attitude. He was neckbeard wearing a My Chemical Romance shirt, pant's so tight that he had a mushroom top, and mismatch shoes. This was obviously on purpose as both shoes were clean, just, didn't fit his look.
I didn't take much time, examining him, my dad had always told me I gotta get the measure of a man with a glance and look em in the eye the whole time. He literally used test us on this crap. Turn, look, then tell him what cars we saw in that split second. I was decent enough at it, but not great. I instead would tell myself little lyrics on the fly to remember key details. It's become a life habit.
I explain this to point out that I wasn't staring at his 'look', so I'm pretty sure the snickering hens in the General Section, who didn't work for us, were the source of his ire about being judge about his look. He took my smile as me thinking something was funny. I feigned ignorance, like I didn't hear him, and then when he asked again, I apologized and asked him to speak louder. Told him I was hard of hearing. This relaxed him a bit, thinking I couldn't possibly have heard the hen's giving him the business. I did, but I wasn't going to show it.
With an attitude he handed me a list and leaned forward shouting.
"I don't wanna be sold nothing! Here's what I need, go get it..." I look at the list and it's pretty thorough. Names of items and SKU numbers. I'm like bet. This looks like a full build, good money, though a lot of them I identify as cheaper parts.
I tell him it'll take me a few minutes and invite him to take a look around in case he sees anything else he might need. He rudely says he'll wait there and he's ain't buying shit else, so don't try none of my snake oil salesman crap. I smiled and say, 'Oh no, but it's so good for the joint and muscles." He didn't think it was funny, so I just walked away and got his stuff.
Halfway through grabbing his items I realized that he only looked at prices and not what each thing did. His build had an AMD processor, but he wanted an intel board. The Case he wanted was slim and the video card he wanted would not fit, he needed lower profile; though the intel board had integrated graphics, so I was sure why he picked a card. Also the power supply he wanted was of lower quality and wattage than the one that came with the case. All and all, I was compelled to ask what the hell he was trying to build.
I gathered everything quickly and brought it up. Going over each piece with him and getting his approval. I then asked him if all of this was for the same build, which he replied with a something smart like, 'Wow, how observant of you..." or something like that. I smiled and tried to inform him that some of those parts would not work together, but he simply cut me off.
"Listen, I don't need you to try to upsell me. I been building computers for a while, I know what I'm doing." He did not, and I wanted to question that validity of his claim. I asked him then if he would like to hear about our return policy, just in case. He got belligerent. Telling me he knows what he's doing and how dare I treat him like he's stupid just because of the way he look. Granted, he did look stupid, but I think his ire was more for the cute girls giving him shit and some insecurity vs anything I said.
"Alrighty, you are not interested in our return policy OR our extended warranty policy right?" I confirmed. We are supposed to ask about the warranties with everyone, but I figured he was not going to take kindly to that, so all I wanted to do was cover my basis.
"Warranties are for suckers... do I look like a sucker?" he snapped. Yes, he did, but I wasn't going to say that. I just smiled at him and asked if I could double check his list to see if I got everything. I whipped out my phone and took a picture of everything, a long with the list. I knew most of this was coming back. And let him go about his day. I didn't even sticker it. I knew what was coming.
Two days later, Neckbeard shows back up, muffin top, two different pairs of shoes, and an anime shirt that made Goku look like he had a fisheye head. He looked embarrassed and angry. He had with him someone who I at first thought was his girlfriend, a little Latino woman who I was certain was either blind or a gold digger, but turned out to be his sister. ABSOLUTELY NO RESEMBLANCE.
She was friendly and told me she was trying to build a gaming computer to play Crysis. I was a little incredulous, young and, to be honest at that time did not think girls played games like that, so I turned and to him and said 'Crysis?' and he shrugged. Little Lady stepped up and reiterated herself, with a bit of friendly mocking cause she knew what I was thinking. Apparently she got shit for being a Gamer Girl. I just shrugged and told the truth. There was no way in hell that previous build was gonna play Crysis very well. The brother, whom I'm gonna call Neckbeard from here on out, had an attitude. He said yeah and handed me another list, this one similar to before.
He made no explanation for his previous mistake and just told me to get the new items, a long with the same line about not upselling him. I looked at the list and knew right away that build wasn't gonna play that game very well. I mean, I could get him there with a 1500 dollar build, barely, But this was something like 900 dollars and that video card, don't remember what it was, was not gonna cut it. I told him so, and that maybe he should look at the gams specs online which would help him make a better decision. He told me he had done his homework and to just get what he said. I looked at his sister, pleading, and told her that I could come up with a system that was both affordable and would run the game 'decently'. He interjected and got mad, threatening to get another salesperson. And said okay; but I knew his ass would be back again. As I'm getting his stuff, I hear him, away from his sister, on the phone. He's telling someone that he wants to finish this up and get the build done, apparently his parents had allocated some money for this and he was trying to get a cheap system so he could keep the rest of the money. A real d-bag move, but not my problem. I gathered what he asked for and sent them on their way, didn't tag this stuff either, it was either coming back or could go to the pool.
I saw Neckbeard two days later with little sister in tow, and his parents. He was not dressed like a disaster that day. His parents did all the talking. There was no list. They told me that they'd trusted their son to get this done, cause he was 'good with computers', but the game wasn't working properly and they were trying to get everything together for their daughters birthday, which had apparently passed after the first time I met Neckbeard. The parents then told me they only had 3000 dollars to spend on this computer, they'd looked up the average price of high end gaming rigs, and wanted to buy an Alienware, but were convinced by there son to Build it there selves, possibly so he can control what they spent.
3000 dollars?! This man was trying to snake his parents out of like 2000 bucks with these shitty builds. They told me to put together something that would work; and I smiled at Neckbeard and said; 'With a 3000 dollar limit?' They confirmed and I grinned. Queue Malicious compliance.
I tell them I can definitely do that, and ask if they want to come with me and discuss each part, piece by piece; and why I think they need it for the game. I go with them and I build a 3000 dollar system. Neckbeard is losing his shit. Why do we need this. Why do we need that. But no one will listen to him because of his previous failures. I built a system that I'd be proud to own. And got it around 2700 and then explained the warranty and how they could have us build it and have parts and labor on that warranty. Of course they took it. Neckbeard was pissed cause we went a little over, and I even talked his parents into getting a boss ass monitor for the game. These, I certainly stickered.
If Neckbeard hadn't been such a dick, I'd have built him a system that could play the game and he would have been able to go about his fiendish plan and keep his parents change, instead, he got nothing and his sister got a build that she loved and a case that she apparently always wanted. A white Antec with purple fans.
Moral of the story is, don't be a dick to your salesman. Tell em what you want and need and they will accommodate most times. Or at the very least, know what the heck your doing. If he'd known computers like he'd claimed, this wouldn't have been an issue. Either way, I'm glad things didn't work out for him. And this time, there were no returns.
EDIT;
Adding this since people keep asking or misunderstanding. This happened in 2008. I haven't worked for that company since 2009.

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Vuxten walked quietly next to Sergeant Addox, listening in on the rest of the platoon talking to one another on the chat channel. They were either taking bets on how long the little green mantid had been in cryostorage or bitching about the taste of the nutripaste or their water.
All good.
Addox stopped in front of the door that the little green one pointed at before settling back down on the top of Addox's helmet. Vuxten checked and saw that Addox was running his internal heat at three degrees above normal and raising the threshhold for dumping heat into his heat sinks or deploying the small cooling fins.
"Past. Open and there," the little greenie said. It settled back down and began gnawing on the beef jerky that Casey had run up for him.
"Casey, crack the door," Vuxten ordered. He opened the channel to the rest of the platoon. "Everyone, weapons off safe but fingers off the trigger."
One by one the icons went to amber.
Casey knelt down and started working on the door, bypassing it in only a few minutes. It took a few more minutes to break the weld holding the door closed and Casey took a minute to lube the track the door was set on.
"Ready?" Casey asked, holding up the two wires.
"Ready," Vuxten told him.
Casey touched the wires together and the door slid open. Helmet lights and shoulder lights illuminated the inside of the room with harsh white light for the first time in millions of years.
"Mantid automation, man," Addox said softly.
The computer was obvious. Quantum systems, supercooled, the piping repaired over and over again. The dangling superconductor wires woven through everything.
Vuxten saw the "Phasic Control Maintenance Manifold" right away. Looking at it gave him a headache as the psychic shielding jumped six points. The system was complex, the shielding and casings removed on half of the equipment.
"Dropping my psychic shielding five percent," Addox warned. He gave a low grunt. "Wuff, I can feel the tingle across the back of my teeth."
"471, talk with your ancestor, check the system, see what you guys can do," Vuxten said.
--roger roger-- 471 sent back. --better have turkey for us--
"I'll have Casey fab you up some turkey jerky," Vuxten promised.
--casey use too much lemon pepper-- 471 said, opening the clamshell.
The psychic protection clamped down hard enough the little mantid's knees buckled for a moment. He shook his head, the other dozen green mantids following suit. He climbed down Vuxten, moving across of the floor to the electrical conduits.
--it appears to run off of some form of power-- 471 sent.
Vuxten laughed.
--checky checky-- 471 said. --we will see what we can see--
Vuxten watched the greenies check out the computer systems, the phasic system, the wiring on the walls. He moved over and leaned against a computer console, watching everyone get to work.
"He's asleep," Casey said, jerking a thumb at the green mantid on top of Addox's helmet. "Poor little guy has some serious freezer burn. Probably been in cryostasis on and off since the Precursor War."
Vuxten nodded, remaining silent.
Long minutes passed while Vuxten chewed a piece of gum and watched.
"Glory, do you read?" Casey asked from where he was standing next to one of the computer consoles.
"I read you, Sergeant. Line's full of distortion and interference though," Glory answered.
"How's your dataslicing? Any good at it?" Casey asked.
Glory chuckled. "I'm a DS, what do you think?"
"We've got a Precursor Era computer system here, VI run. Can you do your thing and, you know, take over the system?" Casey asked.
There was a pleasant laugh. "No can do, Casey. Your pipeline is wide enough for me to talk, maybe do some data exchange, but the interference would cause too many errors and your pipeline is too thin for my fat ass."
"Heh, first time a woman's ever complained about the width of my pipe," Casey laughed.
"I'm hard to please," Glory laughed with him. "I'll help what I can, but you're going to have to depend on the greenies. 680 was in Digital Warfare Corps before transferring to the Telkan Marines," she said.
"680, can you lead everyone into cracking that computer open?" Vuxten asked.
--easy peasy lemon squeezy-- 680 sent back.
The greenies crawled over the equipment, using access hatches designed for them but not.
-----------------
Cordexen sat in his command chair, staring at the console he had moved in front of him. He had traced, as best he could with only limited permissions, the areas where the servitor caste had stopped responding for a long period before responding again.
It was a wandering, meandering path from the Deep Ore Miner Maintenance and Processing Bay that led the empty area on his map that Cordexen knew contained the Hive Queens chambers, the primary phasic control system, and the facility's master control computer systems.
He wracked his brain, trying to figure out how the mere passage of the bipeds could be disturbing the servitors. Perhaps they left behind some of their numbers to be devoured?
No, that would be done by primitives, and primitives didn't fashion high tech combat armor or work Substance W.
Cordexen knew he should be alarmed by an alien species invading the facility but he honestly could not muster up the emotion to care much. If they destroyed the facility, he would be free. If they busted down his door and shot him, he would be free. If they destroyed the computer and the phasic system, he would be free.
No matter what happened, as long as it changed the unending status quo, he would be free.
"Warning, unauthorized entry to computer mainframe detected," the facility VI suddenly said. "Security control alert: unauthorized entry to computer mainframe housing."
"Open the door. I will examine the breach," Cordexen said, sitting up.
"Unable to comply. Message is as follows," the VI said.
Cordexen slumped in his chair as the Queen's words were repeated back to him.
"Unauthorized breach to..." the computer started. "Access granted. Welcome 'little teapot', admin access granted. Maintenance access granted. Power user group 'all your base' has been created."
Cordexen perked up again, watching his screen. Data was flowing by at an incredible rate, the screen's refresh capability actually being overloaded by the amount of data flashing. The VI kept reciting groups being created, access being granted to groups, power users logging on.
He watched as the facility actually posted a maintenance update to his screen.
Half of the facility was dormant. The cryopods were at critical. The power was running at one tenth power. Life support was at bare minimum.
He felt the heaters kick on, blowing warm air into the control room.
Cordexen slowly unfolded from his chair, moving over and standing under the vent.
He raised his face up, closing the armored eyelids, relishing in the warmth.
He imagined he was standing outside.
----------------
Klakeka stirred as the lights came on in his command center. He heard the environmental system kick in and felt warm air pour from the vent, enveloping him in a warm blanket of heated air. His monitor was showing a deep level scan of the facility's status.
"Environmental system lockout lifted by admin power user 'hip hop soldier'," the VI stated. "Nutripaste lockout lifted by power user 'delicious delicious turkey'. Facility lockout under review by power user 'all the electrons to my yard'."
Klakeka stared at the monitor as data flashed by almost impossibly fast. User groups he had never heard of were taking over systems, rebooting some systems, powering down others, powering up the rest.
"Power user 'Great and Powerful Zig' has issued autonomous mining machine recall and maintenance phase," the VI reported.
"Define user 'Great and Powerful Zig'," Klakeka ordered.
"Cannot comply. Message is as follow," the VI said and Klakeka started to huddle in on himself.
"Hi. My name is Technical Sergeant Grade Six 'proton movement in high gravity low temperature semi-solid strange matter' but you may call me 538. If you shoot at us we'll kill you. This facility is under lockdown by the Terran Confederate Military. Please keep all hands and bladearms inside the vehicle and remain seated at all times. Question and answer period will be after full facility control. The war is over but we'll still kill you if you resist. Turkey is delicious and we will share it with you. End message," the VI said.
Klakeka just stared. "Computer, replay message."
The VI obediently obliged, repeating it.
Klakeka frowned slightly, his antenna crossing slightly.
"Computer, define... 'turkey'," Klakeka ordered.
"Cannot com... data loading. Loaded," the VI said. It suddenly showed a picture of a fat strange looking fowl. The feathers flew off of it, the head fell off, and it suddenly fell in boiling grease. It emerged looking golden brown and covered with a light crust of ground up grain flour. The skin and meat was pulled away, revealing moist white meat that dripped grease and juices.
Klakeka found himself salivating just staring at the image.
The meat was ripped away and dropped to cartoon green servitors, who were all dancing with strange little icons replacing their eyes to display happiness.
"Turkey," the VI stated with authority. "Is delicious."
"I would very much like some," Klakeka said softly.
"Cannot comp..." the VI started to say. "Do not resist. Resistance will be met with 15mm high explosive armor defeating phasic enhanced antimatter kinetic rounds delivered in groups. Compliance will be met with delicious turkey."
Klakeka kept salivating, watching the picture.
Comply? I'll do more than comply. I will put on a hat and dance like a Vurkeent at a mating ritual for a chunk of that delicious looking meat, he thought to himself. It sounds much more delicious than bullets.
----------------
Abriketa petted the little green servitor in his lap gently. He was able to generate enough of a psychic field that through contact he could ease its anxiety at not working on the task it had been ordered to complete. Its chitin was dull and flaky, waxy and distressed, but it huddled up against Abriketa in the cold and dark of the command center.
"Someone please talk to me," Abriketa mourned.
"Cannot comply. Message is as..." the computer suddenly cut off. It had been spouting gibberish for the last few minutes and Abriketa had tuned it out.
"Hi. My name is 'P2=G1(M1m2/r2^3)3' which is the universal law of phasic strength over distance accounting for gravity but you may call me '680'," the computer suddenly said.
"I am Abriketa," he said. Part of him, ancient commands from a queen long dead, wanted him to immediately storm out and kill this '680', but he ignored it, the command no longer having the power to induce anxiety or stress. "One of the facility security commanders. What of you?"
"I am a Technical Sergeant Grade Five with the Terran Confederate Military, specializing in computer system penetration and protection," the computer stated. It sounded different, like the words were almost tumbling over one another despite the steady cadence from the computer. "I'm only dataslicing your archive records so I can spare attention speak with you while I carry out my task."
"Are you real or is this another hallucination?" Abriketa asked.
He had once suffered hallucinations for the entire time he had been outside of the cryopod, his brain taking him back to the time he was in the creche learning to be a warrior caste. Not that the VI had cared. It had merely put him back in cryosleep.
"I'm real, but that's what a hallucination would say, isn't it?" the voice answered. "Huh, rare earth mining, like we suspected. Interesting, the liquid nickle-iron core is nearly 11% rare elements, down from 14%. You've been busy. Oops, sorry. What do you want to talk about?"
"Who are you?"
"I told you already. Call me 680, it takes forever for you non-technical types to say my name and you sound dorky," the voice said. It repeated the longer name, only with an accent that made the name sound mangled and stupid. "So, how long have you been here?"
Abriketa exhaled slowly through his abdomen, slumping down slightly. "Forever. I have been here forever. Since the Atrekna released their great war machines upon the Lanaktallan and us both, betraying us."
"So the Atrekna fired the first shot? Good to know. Willing to talk about it?" 680 asked. "Hang on, you've gotta be miserable."
Abriketa nodded. "I am indeed miserable."
The lights came on and the fans whirred to life. Abriketa felt warm air begin to circulate and sighed deeply.
"I thank you, 680," the massive mantid warrior said.
"How long have you been in the dark?" 680 asked.
"Since we slew the queens. We did not know that they had prepared for that eventuality and they entombed us all here, for all eternity," Abriketa asked. "The phasic regulators allow the computer to give orders to the mantid as if it was a queen. I am unable to countermand the computer's commands to the servitor castes."
"That's interesting," 680 said. "So the servitor caste's higher brain functions are controlled and suppressed?"
"Without the phasic regulator the servitor castes would return to primitive hunter gatherer reflexes," Abriketa said. He gave a sigh. "I so wish they could talk. I have been so lonely."
"Don't move. We have to reset the system. It'll come right back," 680 said.
The lights clicked off and the environmental system went dead.
Abriketa didn't care, still petting the servitor in his lap.
Even if it had only been a hallucination, being able to speak to another after so long meant he would die happy.
--------------
"How's it look?" Vuxten asked from where he was sitting in a chair designed for a massive mantid.
Addox had a good dozen green mantids huddled on his shoulders, on top of his helmet, and on his legs as he sat on the floor. Some were shivering, almost all of them were munching on turkey or beef jerky that Casey had ran off his nanoforge.
Another green mantid came in, started moving toward the computer, passed within a few feet of Addox and stopped. Its antenna lifted and it looked around, almost as if it was waking from a long sleep. It moved over next to another one of its kind.
"Food?" It asked.
"Is good," the one eating said. "Is turkey."
"Here, little guy," Addox said, holding out a piece of turkey. The little greenie took it and sat down next to its brethren.
"How's it look, Sergeant Addox?" Vuxten repeated.
"Pretty good. The phasic system is on its own dedicated systems, the software is all hard encoded, no way to patch it. It's different than the phasic systems used by the Confederacy to ensure no queen pops up and slams a hive-mind down on our Mantid allies and members," Addox said. Several little green servitors were in his lap and he was carefully petting them with one armored gauntlet. The ones on his lap had eaten more beef jerky and then gone to sleep. "If we want to disrupt it, we'll have to blow it in place."
"What about the active mantids? Any data on them?" Vuxten asked.
Addox nodded. "Three warrior caste are awake, pulled from cryostasis. That represents over half of the remaining warriors. No speakers, no queens, looks like most of the warriors and speakers were killed attacking the queens. There's about twenty active greenies, but the computer keeps sending them in here. There's only about fifty more in cryostasis. The remaining ones have largely succumbed to cryo-shock."
"How long?" Plunex asked.
"They've been down here for longer than anything I've ever seen. I'd say the Precursor War. They weren't hatched later. From the records 680 pulled, it looks like the computer would wake them up for emergencies it couldn't handle then refreeze them," Addox said. He gave a slight shudder. "They're the oldest living things I know of, frozen and thawed over and over for over a hundred million years."
"By the Digital Omnimessiah," Plunex said softly. "Talk about endless torment. May the Grave Bound Beauty comfort the damned."
Vuxten noticed that Casey was off to the side, doing something with a hologram projection. He shoved himself off of the chair and moved over to Casey.
"What are you doing, Sergeant Casey?" Vuxten asked.
Casey didn't look away from the hologram. "Back when I met Peak, oh, a hundred or so years back, she worked in psyops. Memetic Warfare Division," Casey said. He adjusted the colors slightly. "You've probably seen her handiwork a couple dozen times."
"OK," Vuxten said. The image was blurry to him, looked like it slightly overlapped itself over four columns.
"Well, explaining concepts to these guys is going to be difficult. We want to make sure they understand if they try to fight us, even if they overwhelm you and your people with their psychic power, Addox and I will rip them apart with our bare hands," Casey said. "Now, funny thing Peak taught me about memes is something I'm going to put to work."
Vuxten waited a moment. Finally, he tabbed up another piece of stimgum and sighed. "What's the weird thing, Sergeant?"
Casey shifted an image slightly. "OK, the more text on a meme, the less effective it is. Nobody wants to read your blathering manifesto, they want to look, laugh, and move on, or get the data quickly. The less words you use, the better. If you have a dual meme, they need to be on top of one another or side to side, instantly comparable, not 'turn over' or 'next page' crap," Casey said. He adjusted some of the lines again. "Now, a properly done image meme doesn't need text to convey its message. In some ways, the less words the more information you can have in the meme."
"What's the weird thing?" Vuxten repeated.
"A good, properly done meme, bypasses language and cultural barriers, even species barriers. We might not know anything about them, but there is a way to communicate, and that's memes," Casey said. "680 is talking to one through the computer, but the language drift and syntax morphology is damn near insurmountable outside of the computer. I want to make sure my meme works right and we don't have to fight these guys."
"So you're going to meme the warriors to death?" Vuxten asked.
"More like meme them to life," Casey said. He laughed. "There's an old classic song I could parody, right there."
"Think it'll work?" Vuxten asked.
"Might be a good idea to try this before we blow up the mountain, sir," Casey said, turning and giving a grin. "If it doesn't, I'm pretty sure we just blow the geothermal in place and ride out on a tsumani of lava."
"Hardy har har," Vuxten said, turning away. "Let me know when your magic meme is ready."
"I'll need a map of the facility, sir," Casey said, his voice distracted.
"Then I'll make sure you get it," Vuxten said.
---------------
General No'Drak moved into the situation room, putting a cigarette between his mandibles as he moved up to the holotank. He'd managed to get a good night's rest and a meal, but once again duty pulled him back.
The Precursors were largely defeated. Mopup was down to the infantry units. The tanks and strikers were largely cycled back for maintenance and crew relief.
Great Most High/General A'armo'o was requesting complete refit of his tanks. More than a refit, a "Service Life Extension" performed on them to bring them up to "parity or near-parity with Confederate allied military forces" that would require the least amount of retraining for his troops.
No'Drak considered it for a long moment. The decision was his, all the way to deciding if he wanted to offer a place in the Confederate military to the Lanaktallan soldiers.
It had proven highly effective in the case of the Warsteel Herd.
General No'Drak thumbed the approval button.
Next up was priority and No'Drak stared at it.
A list of template requests from that psycho Casey.
The most recent one was a recon drone with holoemitters calibrated for Mantid eyes. It had to be able to problem solve navigation issues, among other things, but didn't require a VI since his data bandwidth was low and depending on spooky particle boojums.
Oddly enough, there had also been a template request for turkey meat with Mantid vitamin additions as well as beef of the same kind.
General No'Drak frowned.
What are you up to? he asked.
Next up was notification that his request for a full Elven Court had been approved and was enroute from Telkan with an ETA of less than four days.
After that was meteorological reports on the damage all the atomic weapons and the Precursors had done to the ecosystem.
Well, at least there's going to be living people to worry about their ecosystem, No'Drak thought to himself as he settled in and began reading the reports.
Behind him, Second Most High Ge'ermo'o entered. He slaved his monitor to No'Drak's so he could see what decisions the General was making. No'Drak authorized it with a tap of his bladearm almost absently, noting the radiation levels in the sea water was far lower than initial projections.
Ge'ermo'o sat and watched the data Smokey 'No was looking over and contemplating why the Treana'ad officer made each decision he did.
He was a most observant officer, he was sure he could deduce, given time and information, each of General No'Drak's command decisions and the reasons behind them.
------------------------
Cordexen opened his eyelids at the hissing noise. He looked at the door and saw the bright sparkle of a fusion torch cutting its way through the endosteel. It was a round half-circle, roughly the size of a russet servitor.
Cordexen reluctantly moved away from the air blowing through the vent and his fantasies of standing in a field of grass. He moved to his command chair and sat down, watching.
After a moment the metal fell to the floor. There was burst of mist and then the strangest thing rolled through the hole.
It had two tracks providing mobility. It was a large box with a row of infrared sensors with a pair of infrared projectors on each side to provide it with the ability to see. The little thing rolled into the middle of the room and shifted until it was facing him.
It suddenly played a little tune that Cordexen found pleasing. A mathematical arrangement of audible tones.
Suddenly a hologram flickered to life and Cordexen stared at it.
It was designed for his compound eyes to see clearly, the colors pleasing and well defined.
It was two columns of three pictures. Drawn, stylized pictures that made the subjects enjoyable to look at even if the colors were arranged in a slightly humorous fashion.
On the left it showed a warrior caste Mantid holding his rifle and pointing it at the door. The picture below showed bipeds and green servitors coming in and the warrior caste mantid shooting at them. The bottom picture showed the warrior caste mantid dead in the chair with little skulls for eyes and symbols of displeasure and sadness over the dead warrior.
On the right it showed the warrior mantid's rifle on the floor, the warrior mantid's arms and bladearms were lifted up. The one below showed the bipeds coming in and the warrior mantid holding a little stick with a square of white cloth on it and waving. The bottom picture showed the warrior mantid eating turkey with symbols indicating happiness around it.
They wish me to surrender or they will kill me, Cordexen thought. If I fight, they will kill me. They are familiar enough with my people to create this image. It can be clearly seen, the colors are pleasant, and the artistic style is stylized to be pleasing to me. They know my people and this message tells me that they will not only try to kill me if I resist, they know they can kill me.
He looked at the little robot and it played the tune again. This time the back opened and Cordexen flinched, expecting death to come from the little drone.
Instead it popped up a plas stick with a white cloth on it.
I would do anything just to see the sun once more, Cordexen thought.
He moved forward, picking up the flag from the little robot.
It made happy beeping noises.
The back slid open and steam billowed out. Cordexen jerked back reflexively. He could smell cooked meat, strange spices, and his sensitive antenna were almost overwhelmed by the first taste of something besides nutripaste he had sensed in lifetimes.
A cooked fowl raised up with a little triumphant tune.
"TuRkEy Is DeLiCiOuS" appeared above the little robot in maintenance runes. It turned and clattered away as Cordexen took his two prizes and returned to his command chair.
At the first bite Cordexen had admit the robot was right.
Turkey was delicious.
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Alright, its been a truly chaotic fortnight, that is no lie.
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Some big shit went down, but this isn't about that.
More will come on that, but if you want to get up to speed then click here.
We have seen a huge spike in numbers, mod-mail has gone into over-drive with ''why was my comment/post deleted'' Whining, Auto-mod has been taking no prisoners and there are bans and bets a plenty.......
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New levels of degeneracy have been reached, its all catalogued for you below.
Noobs read these posts carefully, when you say dumb shit we hold you accountable to following through on dumb shit or you don't get to play in the cesspool anymore....
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We have ALOT of shit to get through, so dive in and then we can fuck off to enjoy the weekend....
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Also just a friendly reminder:
make a bet?
Tag a Mod
Don't tag Auto-Mod though, bitch is cranky......
​
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HIGHLIGHTS AND UPDATES
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- The media jackals have been sniffing around again and have been in contact with the Mods.
We see the chaos everywhere, so Mods have made our OFFICIAL RESPONSE: BOOMER AND AUTIST VERSIONS public so y'all are up to speed.
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- Our Euro-Trash connection, u/WolfofAnarchy has made a 500K YOLO on IBG.
After a comprehensive DD piece posted a while ago, user has back their Autism in for early retirement and free flowing tendies.
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- Purveyor of the finest Beverages, u/SuntoryBeverage has jumped on the big boy YOLO train as well, punting 300K into MEP.
They did however, post up a DD piece on said YOLO prior, another glowing example of putting your money into whatever you gleaned and copy/pasted from Hot crapper. (jokes..... it was a decent write up)
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- u/bshezza has drunk the kool-aid, making made a $350,000 YOLO on TYR.
There is a bet attached here, so more on this below...
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- u/theoriginaluser01 has made a big boy YOLO into RAC, rounding out the seriously large plays with a ''bio-tech speccie buy out from big pharma'' hay-maker.

- u/DareBottle has finally explained their asx_bot in detail.
This is actually a really interesting/in-depth look at our collective Autism from the 'boy and his bot' and well worth a read.
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- u/BOTANIXtoTENDOLLA had a truly magnificent episode during their Meltdown over GME. We have been keeping a tight leash on these posts, but this one was truly a unique rant and demanded to be preserved.
Caution, reading their post may cause severe haemorrhaging......
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- u/timbuckley66 has donated $200 to the Autists supporting Z1P fund. Enjoy that shiny new flair young Timmy....
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NEW BETS
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- u/24caratcommodes made a bet with the mods that BBUS would open at $1.70 or higher after the great Red Monday Open.
Credit to this user for developing a bear thesis that they posted up on Big Daddy sub (got deleted), but the theory was blown apart by a nice shrek-coloured dildo the next morning courtesy of the split personality exchange we all know and love.
Perhaps they should have invested in DLC instead....
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- u/sweatygooche has made a bet with the mods, claiming that the indefinitely stalled NVA rocket will take off too 20c by the end of February or its ban time.
Maybe this is the spark needed to ignite said stalled rocket, or maybe the mighty Tom will look unfavorably upon the lack of, ahem, tribute......
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- u/limputg has gotten on board with the body hair bets, stating that 4DS trades at 30c by the end of feb or they will submit a film of eating their own pubes.
It baffles Mods as to why this phenomenon has caught on here, but hey if it keeps us entertained then go crazy.....
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- Not to be outdone in the consumption of bodily refuse, u/jamesnangs has upped to ante and has gone on the record that JAT will touch 2.5c by the end of Monday 8th or they will eat their own shit.
We don't know why, we just know that is their wish.
And the market provided opportunity for you to act out your pervy scat fetish, yet you were nowhere to be found....
Folks, can you guess what comes Next?????????
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- u/tuzymandias got in on the act as well, promising that if Z1P hit $10 on Monday they would swallow a sweet load.
Well......... here is the link.
I still feel dirty....
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- Sub veteran and owner of the ASX_Bets most coveted flair, u/kooksy_monster has made a pact to memorialize their AVA diamond hands by getting some Ink when AVA hits $1.
We will not need to follow our favorite dole bludger up on this claim, mods know they are an autist with a code and shall post up if the mark is hit.
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- u/bshezza was freed from ban captivity after they made a $350,000 YOLO on TYR.
There is a bet attached, u/oxymoreme has bet against the shezz, claiming that for every 1% up till the end of FEB they will take a 1 week ban.
We enjoy an accumulative ban, its like compound interest, Scotty would be so proud.....
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- u/luner124 made the commitment to order custom ASXBETS number plates if LKE finished green on Wed Feb 5th.
Let the record show that whilst questionable bodily fluid tributes seem to make green candles, custom number plates seems to be the recipe for red ones, as LKE continued on its merry way down that day....
You'll have to pimp your ride with some alternative bling...........
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- u/Evilshogun and u/xxt3nt4c10n have a bet running on LKE.
One users likes the LKE, the other no likely the LKE, someone is getting a ban if it misses or hits the 40c mark by Friday 12th, that's all we really need to keep in our short attention span.
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- As far as we can tell, u/1stPostISwear has missed the 1st post on their convoluted double bet with BRN.
This was a fucked up scenario for Mods to follow, but u/jbent has provided you all with a little video containing just the right amount of spite to try and send their fellow conspirator packing......
BUT WAIT!!!
u/jbent09 is in mourning this weekend.
The scintillating, raw, oddly sexually charged chemistry between these 2 degenerates has been strangely compelling, but u/1stPostISwear has pulled the ultimate ghosting, deleting their entire reddit account and vacating the reddit universe.
Was this a jilted love story gone wrong?
Was it knowing they had fucked up with the bet?
was it the pressure of becoming another failed Prophet?
All we know is that when you leave the table before the end of the game, you lose it all.
So u/1stPostISwear will be receiving a Perma-Ban, albeit a theoretical one...
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Love, it appears, is fickle indeed.
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- u/nomadnobad has jumped on the LKE train, with a $1 by Easter or Ban bet.
Train is currently boarding, a few have purchased tickets to feast on tendies or bust in the dining car.
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- u/phishbaron and u/nundee have a bet running on RNT. The loser of this bet has agreed to donate $1K to charity and post proof on the sub.
There will be no banning here, unless there is a failure to come through then there will be a fucking lot of banning. Seriously though, this reminds me of the Salty Toppings Fight card charity bets we ran a few months ago, hats off lads for doing the good thing....
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BANS
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- u/itsdankreddit has finally lost a ban bet on DW8. For the record, this use has won every bet up until now so whilst its an impressive ride for the cycling trader, it had to close out sometime.
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- u/markz91 has been banned for 6 months after a coward gains post drew the ire of some of our more attentive users.
Baby Mod u/mcfucking asked for further proof of the claim and the user has been conspicuously absent since then....
We take our gains seriously people, make a claim and don't back it up at your peril......
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- u/Beavoir was banned for 1 month after calling out the hairy bear, only to find the bear had out-stonked them and gone temporarily bull.
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- u/DareBottle comes in with their second mention in the post, but this one is for a ban after PEN failed to reach 20c. enjoy the month off, that bot better be predicting tendies for all upon your return.
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- u/MS_Travels has been banned for failing to come good on a proof or ban.
Flog.
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- u/drag0nb0at, u/ASXrockets69420, u/bruinjack, u/snitchles007, were all banned for 3 months after various 'can ASX_Bets organise a short squeeze' posts.
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- u/ssayrus has received a Perma-Ban for continually spamming Auto Mod with MYR pump posts and comments.
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- u/Trader786 has also received a Perma-Ban for the same offence
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- u/Dependent_Will_5798 has been banned for shilling a silver pump website repeatedly. I mean seriously...........
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- u/redlegs1123 has been banished for 3 months after betting that GME would close below 50 the week after the rally. At least he doesn't have to read posts from retards anymore.
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- u/Maj11k has been banned for 3 months for an attempted short squeeze call to arms.
User seriously needs to learn what the % actually means on shorts.........
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- u/Xsouleater and u/jarfour offered themselves as sacrifices to the random ban length act for survey posts, earning a 64 day and a 128 day holiday respectively.
However, we really needed to flag a special shout out to u/NezyReddit, whose first post on the sub earnt them a 1024 day ban in accordance with the survey post exponential ban length program.
Mods thought that was epic, but then u/ItsSpyroTheBandicoot rolled the dice and levelled up to a 2048 day ban.
But, if you really want to indulge in this frenzy go and pay your respects here, this user is currently serving a 8192 day ban...
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Exponential ban gains for the mods every-time someone rolls the dice, and u/phantom_hax0r loves them dice rollin games...
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calls on bans people!!!
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TLDR: Πρώτα για να αποκωδικοποιήσετε το πολύ μεγάλο χρονικό διάστημα που δεν διαβάζει παίρνει μια λαμπερή νέα αίσθηση, βεβαιωθείτε ότι πληκτρολογείτε πρώτα στο σχόλιό σας

Like wtf? I’m sorry but sex for me personally is a really special thing for me and my partner, a bonding experience, as I’m sure it is for many couples. But I do NOT want a baby in my body, ever, it will never happen. The thought personally, disgusts me. It’s like as women we shouldn’t be allowed pleasure, that our only purpose is to procreate.
We should be able to enjoy life’s simple pleasures without pregnancy, I can’t tell you how horrible it is being on hormonal birth control, I’m coming off it as I suspect it’s contributing to my awful mood swings. I don’t want to go on the coil because of already extremely heavy and painful periods, not to mention the horror stories of accidental pregnancy. I hate being a woman so much, I want my uterus ripped out, but no, apparently I have to be 30 WITH kids, so being sterilised with no kids, is basically not an option most of the time. I love having sex, but I’m not even sure if I’m going to want to risk if when I come off birth control, I wish there was an off switch for this kind of thing.
I’ve seen so many posts on this sub about stupid pro lifers, the things they say, the extremes... like your blood line is not special, why are you so concerned with someone else’s life and whether they want children, STOP seeing women as just incubators, why do you guys think about LITERAL CHILDREN having children?! It’s like a never ending cycle, do they ever stop for a minute to think WHY continue breeding if there’s no point to it? They breed and breed over and over, to what end?
Your child will most likely live the same mundane life you have, or to mix it up, you may pass on a cocktail of mental illnesses (Thanks mum, thanks dad) Do you really want to bring a child into this world in the current state? People are dying, and all you can think about is how important it is for you to bring a child into the world.
People always preach about how women should have children, babies are always so important... but you can bet as soon as they’re out the womb, the excitement vanishes, yeah everyone might coo about how “cute” it is, but when the child grows up, slowly but surely everyone stops giving a crap about it, starts spewing the same old shit to them to have babies of their own.
Why can’t we just care about and love the people who are already here?!?! I see cases of pregnant women who die, someone that was maybe previously loved dearly, who die during pregnancy or child birth, now reduced to “At least they had a child” OH WHAT A BLESSING THAT IS. Comments on people’s life after they died, saying “what a shame” it was because they never had kids, NO regard for the actual person, as an individual.
I find it extremely sad that people hold pregnancy, babies, procreation over an actual grown individual. I think people like babies because they can’t talk, they can’t have an opinion, they don’t have a clue what’s going on around them, soon the be corrupted by the horrible things in life.
Sorry that was a long word vomit, I just had to get that off my chest. Honestly boils my blood.

Hey guys. I want to propose what I think could be a huge step forward in the accessibility of melee to new players, which would in turn help the scene grow and thrive. I’m talking about the difficulty of acquiring a working OEM controller at a decent price for those just starting out.
I’m fortunate that I don’t have to worry about controllers myself, since I’ve had multiple opportunities over the years to buy them at a reasonable price. But for someone trying to enter the scene today, things are kind of grim. Someone who is totally new doesn’t even know what to look for. Hopefully they will have the sense to buy a real Nintendo controller, but it won’t be easy or cheap.
How to acquire your first gamecube controller? Blippi.gg just links to a google search for gamecube controller (not to criticize them, it’s an awesome site). Buying a new one sucks because they are no longer being produced and are therefore overpriced, also fuck Nintendo. Used on eBay or something, prices vary wildly and you might get scammed and receive a fake controller. You could try to buy from Battle Beaver or Controller Chaos, but they are (I hear) extremely overpriced for what you get. Controller modders charge a lot (understandably), way more than I think a prospective player would be willing to spend right out of the gate. No updates on the Panda Controller. Box controllers are expensive and back ordered and counterintuitive. The goomwave will be expensive and who knows what the supply/demand ratio will be when it comes out.
It’s a big problem. But I think the solution is right under our noses, and in our closets. In a recent video Toph watched and reviewed the goomwave announcement. There’s a scene where M2K is shown laying out his many controllers. Toph comments that he has at least that many controllers himself, in a box in his apartment. In the same video, he mentions how Zain frequently switches controllers because they lose their ability to pivot. Wonder what Zain does with his old ones… See what I’m getting at?

Introducing the Melee Controller Co-op

The controllers are out there. We just need to get them out of boxes in closets, and into the hands of new players. And I have an idea for how to do it.

Step 1: Get members of the melee scene to donate their functional controllers that they never use

Despite UCF, any given melee vet will find most controllers unsuitable for competitive use for a wide variety of reasons (like Zain and pivots). But that doesn’t mean the controller is unsuitable for a brand new player, who would be thrilled to have the discarded table scraps of the pros.
But why would players donate their controllers to this co-op? I dunno, good question. Because they love the game and the scene? Because melee means a lot to them and they want it to mean a lot to new people? Because they know the scene needs new players to grow and thrive, so they can continue to make a living doing what they love? Because donating controllers will give them social media clout, bolster their personal brand, and create some great content opportunities for their streams and youtube channels? I think they could be persuaded. It might be a little tough getting the very first person on board (or it might not, if we do it right), but after one respected community figure contributes, I’m sure others will follow.
And this isn’t just about the top echelon of the most skilled/famous players. All kinds of melee scene veterans have tons of functional controllers that they don’t use and will probably never use again. (Keep in mind, I’m not suggesting that anyone should donate controllers they still use.) Wouldn’t it be awesome for that unused controller to be someone’s key to entering the world of melee?
Donors ship a box of their unused controllers to the co-op (if it is financially feasible, the co-op could even reimburse their shipping costs). They make a youtube video about what melee means to them and why they want to donate controllers to help new people get into it. Everyone thinks they are generous AF and they get 1000 new twitch subs. Along with the controllers, they provide a note that will be copied and included with every controller they donated when it is sent out to someone. So the person receiving it knows, “Holy crap, this controller used to belong to the one and only Chu Dat. And he Yeayuhzzed me!” This will presumably have the same effect on them as receiving Michael Jordan’s old sneakers in Like Mike.
To take it even further: the controller donor also records a video directed at the person(s) receiving their old controller. In the video they say what melee means to them, advice on how to get started, why they should stick with it, whatever. This video is posted unlisted on the Controller Co Op YouTube channel, so it is (for the most part) only seen by actual recipients of that player’s controllers. How freaking amazing would that be as the start of your melee journey? I bet it would provide some good motivation and make you less likely to fizzle out when things get tough.
OK, maybe all this sounds great (unless you are only still reading this long ass post out of spite). But how do we get the donated controllers to new players?

Step 2: Create a Controller Co Op website where prospective players can apply for (not just buy) a controller

The entire point of the co-op is to get controllers into needy hands. Not to make money. However, I think it would be wise to charge one flat rate for all controllers, for example, $20. So a prospective player asks around about where they can get a controller to get started. They are immediately directed to the controller co-op, of course. They visit the site and understand that they can apply to receive a fully functional OEM controller to start their melee journey, for just $20 including shipping (I haven't crunched any numbers, this is just an example). If that isn’t accessible as all hell, I don’t know what is.
Why charge money at all? I think it is good to make them put some skin in the game. If you give something away completely free, that kind of sends the message that it has no value. Also, the price must remain low enough that anyone who really wants to can reasonably raise the money. Even a 12 year old could come up with $20 if they were really motivated. Lastly, the money from the “sale” (even though this should be viewed as a charity, not a business) will all go back into the co-op or into the melee scene in other ways (more on that later).
Do they get to choose their controller? No. Controllers will be distributed randomly. This is so that people aren’t waiting around to snipe some specific controller that looks cool or is more valuable or was owned by a certain person. You fill out your application. If you are approved, you get a randomly selected but guaranteed functional controller. When you receive it, you find out who owned it and so on.
But won’t people just abuse this system of acquiring cheap controllers for personal gain? Some will try to I’m sure. The co-op would have to take measures to prevent this. For one, I would like to include a sticker (or something) on the back all controllers that go through the co-op. It says something like:

The melee controller co-op. Donated by: [player name]. NOT FOR RESALE. If you don’t want this controller anymore, give it to a new player or visit controllercoop.com/buyback.

I also propose having a buyback program. If someone realizes that they can’t or don’t want to use that controller to play melee anymore, the co-op will buy it back from them. (The co-op won’t buy controllers that it didn’t already possess before; those must be donated. This is a charity, not a store). They will ship it back, the co-op will verify that it is still in working condition, and then refund their money minus the cost of shipping.
Further, there will definitely be a rule that one person can only buy from the co-op once (if the controller they get suddenly stops working, we can help them out with that of course). And the application process will be designed to ensure that controllers only go to the right people: those who want to get into melee and DON’T already have a real, functional controller.
Despite these measures, could people still attempt to defraud the co-op? Absolutely they could. People can try to defraud any business or charity, and some of the time they will succeed. But think of all the good it could do for the community and getting new people into it. If you ask me, the risk is more than worth it.

Logistics

Let me say it again: this project should be viewed as a charity, by the community for the community, with the goal of getting unused controllers into the hands that need them at an extremely reasonable price. It is not meant to be a profit driven business. This won’t be easy to get started, but I think it will be worth the effort and I’m serious about giving it a shot. What do we need?
I think phase 1 is to refine the plan. If you see any holes in this plan or think of ways to make it better, please let me know.
When it's time to actually get started, we will need volunteers to fill key positions. I think we need:

• A controller intaketester, who can receive incoming donations, make sure they work, maybe make small repairs or even combine nonworking controllers into working ones, etc. They will ship controllers they have finished with to:
• A controller distributor. This person will complete the process of randomly choosing a controller for each approved applicant, packing that controller and shipping it to them. (If the intaker was also the distributor that would save on costs, but it sounds like a lot of work for one person. Maybe multiple people working on these tasks in one geographical location would be best.)
• Web developer: the co-op will need someone to design and maintain the website, including application forms and receiving payments.
• Application reviewer: someone to evaluate applicants to make sure they are the right fit to get a controller from the co-op.
• Social media/publicist: someone to keep the community up to date via social media on what the co-op is accomplishing. They will also make contact with potential donors and community figures. (possibly working with a video editor).
• Treasurer: since there is money involved, someone will have to manage it. They will make sure the co-op is carrying out its functions efficiently and look for opportunities to use the money to serve the community.
• Board of directors: while I think this project should probably have a specific director to manage operations, ideally there would also be a board of directors that includes trusted community figures. This board would approve financial decisions and any new projects or directions that the co op might take on.

This entire project will have to run on community good faith and trust in order for it to work. I would want it to be 100% financially transparent: records of all donated equipment, all money received, all money spent on anything whatsoever, would be available for public viewing on the website at all times.
So yeah, that's the gist of my proposal. Please ask questions and provide feedback below. I personally believe that the melee community has what it takes be self sufficient. Why rely on Nintendo or Panda Global or random ebay sellers to make our game accessible by providing controllers? The game of melee is hard enough; we don't need it to be hard to even start playing, because you can't get a decent controller (especially when the controllers are already out there gathering dust). Why don’t we, as a community, take on the controller problem and obliterate it as a barrier to entry?

Hey everybody - I recently wrote a DD on Chewy and in the process I learned A TON. A little background on me:
I'm a veterinarian for the past 2 years, and have been in the vet industry since 2011. I've worked in a variety of clinics from ER to general practice. During my write up of Chewy, Zomedica was brought up sevaral times and I started to look up a bit more and wanted to write down my thoughts.
AS ALWAYS - PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IM LITERALLY AS GREEN AS THEY COME. DON'T MAKE BETS ON WHAT I SAY AND DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. THE ONLY TIME I INVESTED ON MY OWN PRIOR TO THIS WAS IN GME AND I LOST EVERYTHING. So tear this post to shreds pls so I can learn more.
Summary of Zomedica:
Zomedica is a veterinary health company that is currently in the development phase of their products. Their focus is "point-of-care" devices - aka in house testing. This has been a growing field, as the use of point of care (from here on acronymed POC) has become more and more common in the veterinary field as the devices have gotten more and more affordable and easy to use.
Zomedica's current golden boy that they are hyping up hard is their Truforma device which I will go into extensive detail below. They recently (in the last quarter based on SEC documents I read) have promoted their CEO from interim to full time and from what I've seen, it seems like they have a decent team on their hands.
Truforma specifics and analysis:
Truforma is a POC device meant to deliver testing for thyroid and adrenal disease. Truforma uses "Bulk Acoustic Wave" (BAW) technology which they claim provide accurate and repeatable test results. THE RISKS OF THIS WILL BE LISTED BELOW IN THE RISKS SECTION.
Now here's where I hope my insight as a vet comes in - shits gonna get technical in here so buckle up and ask if anything doesnt make sense.

• Thyroid testing:

There are 2 main thyroid diseases - HYPOthyroidism (low thyroid) and HYPERthyroidism. And there are 2 main animals we care about these conditions for in a veterinary setting - cats and dogs. Luckily, HYPERthyroidism is very rare in dogs and HYPOthyroidism is very rare in cats. Where I think the hype really dies down is that NEITHER of these diseases are emergencies. 99% of the time, we DONT need a diagnosis the same day. Sending blood samples to test for either of these diseases get returned in typically 24 to 72 hours (often 24 hours). And the thing is - sending blood to the lab is nine times out of 10 cheaper than POC testing. So honestly, these thyroid tests in house aren't that big a deal. I am very confident that if their only offering was thyroid testing, that most clinics wouldn't purchase their product.
The only instance where I would like an in house TSH test (thyroid stimulating hormone) on a more POC basis is when I have a sick, skinny cat who looks like a HYPERthyroid cat. The most common way to diagnose a HYPERthyroid cat is with a Total T4 test which is widely available POC test now. But oftentimes, if they have multiple concurrent diseases that T4 level will be decreased due to something called "euthyroid sick syndrome". In those instances, you would want to do a TSH test and a free-T4 test , and while we can easily send out those tests to the lab I can imagine some people would want answers more quickly. But realistically - these cases are few and far between and there hasn't been enough demand to warrant a POC test for it.
So basically - thyroid testing w/ truforma alone isn't very hype and honestly not that exciting.

• Adrenal testing:

So this is where things could get interesting. The thyroid testing Truforma offers is ACTH stim testing. There are 2 thyroid conditions - Addison's disease (adrenal glands not working) and Cushing's diease (adrenal glands working too much).
Now with cushings - again, this isn't an emergency. The need for POC testing is fairly low because this is a chronic disease that has been going on for months - waiting an additional day doesn't change much. There are two ways to test for Cushings -
ACTH Stim testing - this is a 2 hour long test which you have to send to the lab. According to recent studies, this is considered by some specialists to be worse than the test listed below. HOWEVER - some specialists will still use this test because its a 2 hour test, and not an 8 hour test like the one listed below. So there is a use for Truforma regarding Cushings testing and ACTH stim - however it's not too exciting.
Low Dose Dexamethasone Suppression Testing - this is an 8 hour test and considered the gold standard test for diagnosing Cushings. However - people will still use the ACTH stim because of the time constraints with this test. I've had specialists tell me they use the ACTH stim solely because their schedule does not allow for the low dose dex test. Ultrasound (not widely used to diagnose cushings as the first step)
Now here's where the hype comes in -
Addison's disease is the only disease of the whole bunch that is an actual emergency. Addison's can quickly proceed into something called an "addisonian crisis". This is a very severe, deadly condition from untreated addison's disease. And the reason addison's goes untreated is because it shows very non specific, hard to diagnose signs. And here's the bitch - to diagnose addison's, we need to do an ACTH stim! And currently, we'll start treating addisons on suspicion and other bloodwork results but we still have to wait a whole freakin day for the results. And I've euthanized a shit ton of dogs who I've thought are addisonian, however owners couldn't commit to days in the hospital on a "maybe" alone. To treat an addisonian crisis, you typically need multiple days in the hospital and very specific drugs - but its VERY treatable. So when I have an owner come in with a sick ass pet, the convo goes like this -

• "Hey - you're dogs sick as shit. Bloodwork makes me think it's addison's disease. The test for it is pretty expensive, and it'll take at least 24 hours to get results. In the meantime - we need to hospitalize your dog, which is gonna cost you a couple grand. Also - if that test comes back negative in 24 hours, than we dont know whats wrong".

It's hard, especially when clients are financially constrained.
NOW the conversation can go:

• "Hey - you're dogs sick as shit. Bloodwork makes me think it's addison's disease. I can do the test in house.If it's positive than your has a good chance of survival." - So they do the test, it comes up positive, and BAM - they hospitalize and vets make bank.

In the first scenario, we might make a few hundred bucks and probably less than a grand. But in the second, if we convince owners to use the in house test and prove their dog has a very treatable disease, the likelihood of them dishing out big bucks to fix their dogs are WAY higher. Cause clients are way more likely to drop a shit ton of money if they think it's a fight they can win. But when there are so many questions left in the air, a lot of clients won't go into debt on a maybe (rightfully so). For this reason alone, I am slightly bullish on Truforma and ZOM.
Competitors and Risk:
Here's where I start to get bearish again. From the outside, it looks like ZOM may have a deep moat - new technology, only POC test for the conditions above, etc.

• As I said before, Truforma uses BAW technology -** but based on everything I've seen so far, it seems like they don't actually own the BAW technology.** Because of that, I don't see why their main competitors can't make a device on their own. Their main competitor in the POC field is Idexx - one of the top and biggest veterinary testing companies in america. Idexx has expanded to include not just testing, but absurd amounts of integrated software to the point that whole hospitals are run on Idexx products alone (medical recording software that integrates seamlessly w/ their lab services and their xrays and payment plans and eveyrthing else - its crazy). So if Idexx annouces ACTH testing in house, Zomedica is truly EFFED.
  
• Additionally, many labs will often have a degree of exclusivity contracts with hospitals - however this mainly deals w/ send out bloodwork and isn't really BLOCKING you from using other companies - just giving you way more incentives if you stick with idexx.
  
• Additionally - ZOM has not been profitable yet. They haven't really made any money yet and are very speculative. Looking at their recent 10-Q risk section says it all. They're still in development, and honestly they might not pan out. It's an incredibly risky buy and if Truforma goes to shit than ZOM is done for.
  
• Another competitor is the opportunity cost of losing shelf space in a vet hospital. Truforma has to compete with a very limited work area in most vet hospitals - I have a very big lab in my current hospital, and even there I struggle to see where I would fit ANOTHER device. It's starting to get cramped and this may play a factor in hospitals getting fatigued with ANOTHER machine they need to maintain and ANOTHER machine they have to order test kits for and ANOTHER machine they need to be trained on. It honestly gets exhausting and while it may sound dumb, it really may dissuade a lot of hospitals from jumping in.
  
• And lastly - this really isn't a device that'll be used in most hospitals to begin with. Think of rural america middle of nowhere vets who barely have POC machines - this is not gonna be the first one they buy. Even very busy metropolitan hospitals might not care for this if they see limited emergencies and are mainly GP. I've worked ER and urgent care for most of my career, so I see the use of the testing - but my gf is a GP vet and after talking to her, in the last few years she can only think of a handful of cases this would apply to.
  

Why I'm bullish and what my target is:
As I listed above, the use of ACTH POC testing in an ER setting cannot be understated. And there are quiet a few ER hospitals in America, and more and more are coming. Those ER hospitals typically have the best and newest swag - it's there that you see all the newest POC machines. I'm talking crap that even my hospital doesn't have (and we're an urgent care hospital obsessed w/ shiny new equipment). So I REALLY think that they will hop on board. Additionally, ZOM has a Truforma distribution w/ Miller Vet Supply which is a MASSIVE distributor of vet products. And what I really, REALLY hope happens is that the big boys like Idexx sees the moat and thinks - fuck it, why fill the moat when we can just buy the castle and buys Zomedica out for a fat chunk (or buys / partners w/ ZOM to sell the Truforma system for ACTH testing). THIS is the golden scenario where I think we can make big bank.
So yes - ZOM is an INCREDIBLY risky play. They haven't released their product yet, but it's coming out soon. We HAVE NOT seen how they are customer service wise, test accuracy wise, reliability wise, ease of use - nothing. And half their tests are honestly not that exciting. But if they can generate enough hype and demand to get their product noticed by the big boys and even bought out I think we can all make a ton of bank. And with the price being so low rn ( < $3 a share), it might just be the best time to jump in.
My position: 108 shares @ $2.31 (Don't laugh I'm broke). My target price is 10 bucks a share where I'll most likely cash out my doubly my original position.

Gather around all you sneaky bitches and fomo bag holders and let me tell you about some shit I'll call the "FOMO wheel of delight" AKA the "how to kinda profit buying the top or at least not get fucked" strategy.
I'm talking to you if you fd'd or yolo'd your weed money into weed stocks today, and no i don't care they're still going up, because they've been going up since mid jan and now they're getting memey and all overbought (time to find the door). I saw so many people today saying "oh crap i fomo'd all over myself and bought today." Hush yo mouth now and listen. This entire strategy is not guaranteed to make you money, but it should make your bags a bit lighter or even let you get out of a dumbass play (eventually), so don't come back to me whining about your heavy bags because I make no guarantees -- if you want a better more practical play this strategy is based off the more conservative wheel aka triple three-way or whatever strategy as defined here but this one is squished down, deformed and mutilated to fit your fomo fd desires, well at least the weekly part.
Here's how it works. First, go read that post. Now, once you've done that and actually understand the big words in there, and how you're actually supposed to do it, heres how you mutilate that strategy in such a way that in the best case scenario you get 10-30% (or more in some cases) on your fomo plays and reduce your downside risk by the same amount.
I'm gonna ignore the greeks in this little fireside chat because I betcha my audience don't know a damn thing about them or think they know more about them than they actually do (if you can calculate black-scholes in your head just stop reading now - if you can, why are you fomo'ing bro?)
Anyways... here we go:

• Step 1: Recognize your FOMO. The first step is admitting it. It feels like, "Shit this shit is really doing some green dildo shit, maybe i should buy that shit now, even though everyone's been talking about it for days/weeks/whatever... fuck it, ok, here i go... oh crap did i just buy the top?" (yep, you did) - next time it happens try this instead. I know we all like loss porn, but I already see enough dumbass yolos to have my fill but fomo bag holding feels bad for everyone (unless you're yolo'ing fd's then I still like it).
  
• Step 2: Read the crayon drawings. Take a look at the angle of that big green dildo (or big red dildo if you think about how this works hard enough i'll leave that as an exercise to you the reader) - if its pointed up like a boner securely tucked into the belt of your pants, this strategy will probably fuck you, but go ahead and look at the option chain - if you know your maths try to figure out the best fit mean line to determine what you expect the greed spike to fall back to and look in those areas of the option chain (but i've not seen a worthwhile play there yet, unless you're playing monthly's at that point)
  
• Step 3: Sell a cash secured put. Look at the put option chain and make a decision: do you think its still gonna keep going up with a solid thrust? Pick an itm weekly (or 2/3 weeks away if you got the balls - the deeper or longer the itm the bigger the balls) with good premium to sell, 25%+ minimum premiums or more for this one (if its gonna hurt more if you're wrong you might as well get paid for it) - keep in mind the break even value for later, thats your initial cost basis (aka what your silly ass better not sell the stock below later), and dictates how you're gonna recover later. Do you think you're near the top but think the run will continue for the week? Sell ATM weekly puts for at least 15%+ premium, maybe slightly less but less than 10% though is definitely not worth it imo. Think you missed the train and you know you are actually at the top? sell otm weekly puts just above worthless - should get 5-7% premiums here.
  
• Step 4: Patience. That's right, at least this time you wont be babysitting your weekly call option as often as you jerk off, since this time you will be actually holding some kind of equity in the end no matter what, so now you have more time to jerk off. Congratulations, you've taken the first actual action of this shitty fomo wheel strategy.
  
• Step 5: Expiration. Expire worthless? good, now you made cash money and can feel "accomplished" in your fomo play and walk away with decent fomo gains (unless you were a greedy ass). Still going up but made some cash? Rinse and repeat with as much pain/pleasure tolerance you got. Expire in the money and got assigned? proceed to next step, at least these bags you're holding don't have holes in the bottom like the dumbass calls you usually buy.
  
• Step 6. Lower your cost basis and gtfo or profit. Since your dumbass is now holding bags, lets get some interest until you can get out or profit. Sell covered calls for a strike price no less than your cost basis, or at least have the premium cover the cost basis you are discounting off the strike price. If you are super OTM then you definitely fucked this up, because the idea is not to be so far OTM that you can't turn around and sell a covered call (thats why you want those sweet sweet high premiums) ... but if you are, I guess you are stuck selling fd's for a while. Either way, the idea is, every time you sell a cc you get another premium that lowers your cost basis, so essentially you can rinse/repeat to chase the leg down until you at least break even. There's more strategies here, but this is the basics.
  

TL;DR:

• Sell cash secured puts into fomo instead of calls dumbass (they're both bull bets) - you're not gonna get a 10 bagger this way but you fomo'd bro so suck it up
  
• If you don't fuck up - free money - rinse, repeat until it hurts i guess.
  
• If you do fuck up, now you can sell covered calls until you get back to even via premiums, or god forbid come back for a profit
  
• you're welcome you sneaky bitches and fomo derps
  
• P.S. I made those premium percentages up but they are close to what i do, make your own percentages up and think for yourself.
  

 
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Alexa was sitting cross legged before Sassie, with Aiov lying casually on the German Shepherd’s back. She had a metal bowl in her lap with chunks of fresh meat for Aiov and cooked meat for her large canine protector. It had been a difficult time as the dog had missed Aaron more and more, to the point that she had begun to refuse food. Aiov's enthusiasm, however, seemed to help slightly in countering that refusal, and Alexa had found that feeding them together at least got some food into the lonely Earth ambassador.
She scratched at the dog’s head as Aiov happily chomped on another scrap of meat. “Look at that! You won’t be outdone by a leokit now, will you?” She placed a cube of seared meat before Sassie’s nose. She sniffed it twice before eating. “You’re going to be so spoiled by the time we get him back. We’ll both get in trouble.”
Aiov snuggled into the thick black and tan fur, using her paw to guide the next morsel into her mouth. Sassie managed a few more pieces before turning her head away with a grunt. Satisfied with what she had achieved Alexa gave a few more scraps to Aiov before placing the bowl into the recycler. The loudspeakers throughout the Rinoxian vessel blared a loud message announcing they had now crossed into Hive space and that their readiness was being moved to level three.
Her door chimed. Opening it, she found Allistan in his new Terran Wolves uniform. “You need to come quickly, the Porkchop Express has arrived.”
As she grabbed Aaron's old leather jacket, Sassie immediately rose to follow which caused Aiov to roll to the floor. "You come," she spoke to the dog, then turned to the distinctly unhappy leokit who had just lost her warm pillow. "You stay, sorry.”
They walked briskly through the corridors of the Rinoxian warship towards a secure meeting room which had two Terran Wolves outside the door. Their black uniforms and red collars were easily identifiable and they gave sharp salutes as Alexa approached. “I told you not to salute.”
The two guards lowered their hands sheepishly as the doors opened. Sassie immediately surged past Alexa to happily greet the returning crew members. She moved from Ranjaz to Jaym, receiving many scratches and hugs. Even Eruwenn and Cygna received a quick examination, but she soon stopped when no sign of Aaron could be found. The German Shepherd forlornly returned to Alexa's side as the Awakened took a seat at the meeting table. “Is the room secure?”
Cygna, now in a smart black uniform with white collar, stood. “We have taken additional precautions due to the sensitive information we will be discussing.”
Tilting her head, Alexa took in the Fae’Dan’s new clothing. “You’re one of us now?”
Eruwenn gave a slight chuckle. Aside from Alexa, she was the only one not in uniform. “She lost a game of dalcho, or two.”
“Seven.” Ranjaz said with a wicked grin. “Don’t worry, she’s actually been a fairly competent assistant. Aside from her gambling issues, obviously.”
Her head drooping to look at her feet, Cygna replied, “I swear by Tulseria’s right hand, I will get you back for this!”
The Kittran’s grin grew more predatory. “Wanna bet?”
There was a long table by the wall where Embar was fixing himself a drink, He turned, shaking his head. “I’m not sure I approve of your recruiting techniques.”
The Kittran shrugged. “She’s worth it – even broke the code on this.” He tossed the recovered device onto the table as Embar returned and took his seat opposite him. “And, you’re going to want a stronger drink, General.”
Curiosity piqued, Allistan took his seat, preparing his notepad and pen. “What did you find?”
Ranjaz was about to speak when Eruwenn held up her hand. “I think we should let General Embar read this first. He can take a moment before we all continue.”
Raising an eyebrow, Embar sat down in a nearby chair and connected the device to a non-networked datapad. “Why me?” He began scrolling through the files, tapping on icons and delving deeper. His breathing suddenly stopped, his face contorting. Disbelief morphed into anger, and as his body tensed, anger turned to white-hot rage. He placed the datapad down on the table before him and stood, walking back towards the drinks table. He lowered his head, his body radiating anger as his muscles clenched and unclenched, then raised his fist into the air and slammed it into the table. Bottles, glasses and everything else it had held went crashing to the ground as it buckled under force of his blow. “We’re going to kill every last one of those Sentinel bastards!”
No longer smiling, Ranjaz stood. “You’re Tulseria damned right we are.”
Jaym was sitting silently, but she pulled a rag from her pocket and dabbed at her tears. After they had fled from the casino she had tried to help crack the encryption on the stolen device. Part of her wished they never had, as its contents had disturbed her so much. Now that they had finally caught up with Alexa, Embar and the others who had been on the Rinoxian homeworld, she empathised deeply with the pain this information was bringing. “It’s so awful, I’m so sorry Embar.”
Eruwenn patted the young Arkellian on the shoulder to comfort her as she looked at the Rinoxian. “Please believe me, General Warbringer. The council knew nothing of this.”
Alexa picked up the datapad, using her nanites to more quickly access the information. She grit her teeth, biting back her anger, then passed it quickly to Allistan. “You need to read this. Then we need to plan our next move.” She looked at the back of the unmoving Rinoxian. “Embar?”
Embar slowly turned around, his jaw set, determination in his eyes. “We keep this quiet. We’re on an active mission and need everyone focused on the job at hand.”
Allistan went to click his pen as he read, but with a gasp the pen fell from his fingers. “We can’t keep quiet, the galaxy needs to see this.”
The Rinoxian nodded. “They will. When the time is right.”
 
 
It had been two cycles and the incursion fleet had advanced deep into Hive space. Over half of the force accompanying them were the Rinoxians under their new Galactic Federation commanders. There were over a dozen Galactic Federation ships along with six Gowe destroyers, and a dozen ships from other races including the Niham and Kah’Ree. Admiral Pelar, on board the Blazing Dawn, commanded four Ashi ships including the Righteous Fury.
The smallest craft by far was the Porkchop Express, a speck amongst titans. Its white painted hull, chrome bull bars and bright cartoon logo were a stark contrast to the military ships it accompanied. Sassie was more comfortable now that she was in familiar territory, and slept on a pile of Aaron’s clothes in his quarters.
Allistan and Alexa were sitting opposite Jar’Bek in his small office. The Ashi looked exhausted as he finally put down his datapad. “I’m sorry to have kept you.”
Allistan fidgeted in his seat. “Not at all, was that your mother again?”
Stiffening slightly at the use of the word mother the lawyer forced himself to relax again. “Admiral Pelar has informed us that they have been repeatedly scanned by the Gowe. She’s taking no action, as we’re supposed to be allies, but wanted you to be aware.” Alexa nodded and he continued. “When we arrive at the next system the commanders of each ship have been called to the Hooves of Destiny. Vice-Admiral Koo Ji has requested an in person meeting, with all senior officers.”
There were several pen clicks. “That seems unusual.”
Jar’Bek gave a knowing nod. “Extremely. To remove every ship’s command, behind enemy lines? It makes no sense.”
Alexa pushed her hair back from her face. “The Rinoxians agreed to it?”
The Ashi nodded. “Most of their command have been replaced. Anyway, they outnumber – and outgun – the other ships. Why would they be concerned?”
Allistan’s pen clicked. “They probably just put it down to Gal. Fed. protocols, or fear.”
Jar’Bek nodded. “They’ve had us stopping in random systems to scan. No doubt it’s to delay us, but perhaps also to lower the Rinoxian’s guard?”
Leaning back in her chair, the Awakened considered the options. “Maybe there's another fleet waiting to ambush us? Or following us?”
Allistan twirled his pen in his fingers. “No, no. All eyes are on the border since Aaron’s capture. It must be something else.”
Moving on to her next idea, Alexa asked, “Sabotage?”
The Ashi gave a chuckle. “That is Admiral Pelar’s conclusion. The Gal. Fed. officers have been on board the other ships, and the possibility exists that there are Sentinels working amongst them. They are all in command positions, and will all be leaving. It’s a logical conclusion.”
Allistan’s pen halted its spinning. “The Ashi ships, they can’t have been sabotaged, right?”
The lawyer nodded. “True, but, it wouldn’t matter. Their ships are old and have seen too much action. Those Gowe ships alone are more than they could handle.”
The Fae’Dan sighed and shook his head at the situation they were facing. “We should have brought more ships. The new ones.”
Alexa, staring at the ceiling, spoke softly. “No, we don’t need to show our hand just yet. But send word to Chae’Sol, make sure he has the coordinates.”
Jar’Bek nodded and made a note on his datapad. “What about the others?”
The Awakened closed her eyes. It was times like this she missed her human and his habit of taking charge. “Tell Embar to warn his contacts among the Rinoxians. The others… I have no idea, I just want to sleep.”
Allistan, a stickler for accuracy, replied, “I didn’t think Awakened slept?”
She sat up and gave a half-hearted smile. In an unusual moment of vulnerability, she replied, “I was told you can do anything in a dream. For those moments, we would all be together again.”
Allistan struggled to come up with a response to that, and the Ashi, having noticed this, stepped in to fill the gap in conversation. “We’ll find him. I can’t lose the most profitable client in the galaxy now, can I?”
Now past the moment of awkwardness, the Fae’Dan also answered. “I’m sure he’s fine. In fact, he’s probably already on his way back to us.”
Alexa gave Allistan a withering look. “You think he single-handedly defeated the Hive, stole a ship and managed to figure out how to fly it back here?”
The former Inspector paused to consider it. “No. It will most likely be something even more preposterous. Perhaps he married their Queen?”
The ridiculousness of the idea brought a chuckle to the Awakened. “Maybe. Hopefully nothing that drastic; he’d probably just turn their society upside down with some ridiculous scheme.”
Jar’Bek also smiled. “A little civil unrest, perhaps a few riots? No doubt with merchandise.”
Finally breaking into a broad grin, Alexa replied, “I think we all might be over-estimating him a little.”
 
 
Aaron stood in the trade area of Toivoa station with a contingent of Gardener Royal Guards behind him, Tsy’Lo by his side, and a very angry mob in front of him. Several well-dressed local leaders were dragged from the crowd to stand before him; Mycena, Tricinic, Procyon and a dozen other refugee races were crammed into the triple height area of the station.
One of the leaders staggered towards Aaron. “You! You caused this!”
Aaron, feigning as much innocence as possible, pointed to his chest. “Me?”
One of the Mycena he had met during his time on the station came forward. “We’ve all seen the videos! They kept us in the dark about what is going on out there! The Galactic Federation are coming! Our leaders lied to us!”
The accusatory leader, a Procyon with greying fur, pointed at Aaron. “Your... Your propaganda, has driven them mad! Your lies! They’re destroying the station!”
The human smiled and maintained his innocent expression. “My propaganda?” Several in the crowd held up datapads; Aaron’s smiling face was on every one. “Oh... that propaganda.”
Tsy’Lo tugged on his sleeve. “What did you do?!”
Aaron crouched down slightly. “Remember when I accidentally picked up the kids datapad and you returned it?”
“Yes…” The Tricinic flushed orange as realisation struck. “It wasn’t the child’s datapad!”
Aaron straightened up. “Yeah, thanks for helping bring down society.” He laughed as Tsy’Lo became a very opaque green hue. “Don’t worry, I’ve got an idea.”
The greying Procyon shook his fist at the human. “You better! They should throw you in a cage for the rest of your life for this. Hundreds of celes of peace, destroyed!”
Aaron looked down at the angry alien. “Your peace, not theirs.” He gestured back towards the Gardeners, and walked towards them without waiting for a reply. He raised his hands high, motioning for the unruly mob to settle down. “Alright, alright. Settle down, munchkins. So the wizard’s a liar? Welcome to reality. The Gardeners have been fighting and dying to keep you safe from the flying monkeys, while you all hide in your Emerald City and get on with your lives. That shit ends now. You’re crying out for change? Then welcome to the revolution, baby! We’re opening up the borders, we’re rejoining the rest of the galaxy! No more hiding!”
The crowd was already worked up, and cheering came easily despite the large lack of understanding. The human nodded — he was enjoying this far too much — and then gestured again for quiet. He spoke quietly at first, adding excitement to his voice as it built in power. “So prepare for a chance of a lifetime! Be prepared for sensational news!”
The Procyon official’s mouth opened and closed silently before he managed to shake his mind free of the initial shock of the human’s words. “No! Stop! What are you even saying?”
Aaron didn’t care about the official. He put the palm of his hand on their face, which easily dwarfed it in size, and gently pushed them slowly backwards. He then leapt up onto a crate; his showmanship on camera was nothing to his on-stage presence. “A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer, and where do you feature? Just listen to teacher! You’ve stagnated here for long enough. Lied to and kept in the dark, well, no more!”
The crowd was his, he knew it. The official knew it. Tsy’Lo knew it and was a nervous shade of blue. Aaron clambered from the crate to the roof of a stall, standing high above the crowd. The cheers followed every rambling sentence and, drunk on power, Aaron was loving it. “Spread the word to every planet, every station, every colony and every ship. Change is not coming, it’s here and it is now!”
The crowd roared again, and the desperate official turned to Tsy’Lo. “What in the nine moons is he talking about?”
“I’ll tell you what I’m talking about.” Aaron snapped. He stood looking out over the crowd. “I am the Ambassador of a world called Earth. I have taken ownership of a small star system that is being colonised as we speak. These colonies are a coalition of races, from within the Federation, as well as without. We rule ourselves, but have treaties and agreements with the Federation itself, as well as various individual races within it.”
Several questions were called out from the crowd, but one voice was louder than the others. “How does that help us?”
With a smile, the human walked back and forth across the roof of the stall as he spoke. “Good question my friend.” He pointed vaguely at where the voice had come from. “I do not have contact with my homeworld at this time. To ensure that all of whatever Earth has become would be included we put in place clauses for future territories, dominions, settlements etc, etc…” The crowd was quiet now, trying to follow the human’s explanation. Looking out at the blank faces Aaron realised he needed to get to the point. “Congratulations, you’re now a protectorate of Earth!”

He was met with utter silence. 

Suddenly, there were several angry yells from the crowd, some claiming this was a joke while others were simply confused. The official was the one who dared clamber to the crate below Aaron in order to yell up to him. “Are you insane?”
Aaron’s smile made Tsy’Lo shudder, as it was the same one he had given as he had explained his idea to the Gardener Queen. The human stepped forward to stand at the front of the stall roof. “I declared war on the Gardeners. The war lasted seven Earth minutes, and was quickly resolved when the Queen surrendered to me in person.”
Silence fell once again, and Aaron found himself half-yearning for the sound of crickets to emphasize the moment.
The crowd erupted once more, outrage at the ridiculous claims the strange alien was spewing forth. Tsy’Lo released a deafeningly loud harmonic whistle which was followed by another momentary quiet. They paled as the crowd's attention fell on them. “You need to listen, all of you. He is speaking the truth, sort of. He held the Queen and the Gardeners council hostage with a bomb.” Small grey particles filled the Tricinic at the memory of being used as a weapon. The crowd began to grow rowdy at this news, causing Tsy’Lo to let off another sonic blast. “It is all a human trick; once we are part of his alliance we fall under the treaties he already has in place.”
The crowd looked back up to the human. “Like I said, congratulations. You just walked in through the backdoor of a peace treaty with the Galactic Federation, and over a dozen separate treaties with other races.”
The crowd were now arguing amongst themselves. The official - who Aaron was now mentally calling Gobshite - once again challenged him. “At what cost, though? What do you get out of this?”
The smile of mischief once more graced the human’s lips and Tsy’Lo considered pulling him down from his stage. They had been on their way to the border when news of the riots on Toivoa reached them. Aaron’s presence had been demanded and he had happily accepted. The human looked almost as gleeful as that moment of acceptance when he spoke again. “Me? I get to go home. I get friends with big sticks. I get to trade openly with you, and believe me, I have a lot of crap to sell you.” He chuckled. “You get to be part of the galaxy again. You get to travel and trade. Our rules are simple and fair; everyone is equal under the law. You have exactly the same rights as everyone else who joined us. And the cost?” He paused for effect, making sure they were all paying attention. “You stand on your own two feet.” He glanced around, noting the sheer diversity of the crowd. “Or one foot... or four... Or whatever it is you’re balancing on.”
The crowd was a buzz of conversation, and Gobshite once again chimed in. “You think they’ll let us back without a fight? We can expose them! Those bastards tried to exterminate us!”
The crowd jeered along with the old Procyon. Aaron held up his hands. “Woah, woah. Only some of them. That’s the thing, there are a lot more members now. So here’s the plan: shut up. If you don’t say anything, they sure as shit aren’t going to out themselves, are they? While everyone is staring at the former Hive terror that they all feared, you guys just start working and trading, nice and quiet.”
A few murmurs of agreement came from the crowd. Gobshite, however, was more than a murmur. “You want us to forget our ancestors suffering?”
A little irritated, Aaron was more harsh than he intended. “You’ve wallowed in it long enough. Look at you, hiding for generations, keeping your communications to a minimum to avoid detection. Is this all some master plan as you build an army to seek revenge? Fuck no!” He saw the shame on their faces. “You’re happy to leave this status quo to future generations? You want to remember the suffering of your ancestors, fine, build a fucking statue. But don’t hold back your children to do it.”
The crowd were growing louder again as they discussed his words. “Look!” the human yelled. “I’m not saying you forget, or forgive. I’m saying you keep your mouths shut. We won’t announce your presence to the Federation. Instead, I want those of you looking to start something new to come join the new colonies. No big fanfares, just get on with it. In a place filled with different races, you’ll just be another stranger.”
He saw the crowd looking at each other, and knew was a lot to take in all at once. “We gather evidence, build trust. Get yourselves established, forge friendships and alliances, and become accepted as part of the new colonies. Let those in the know think their past crimes are forgotten. And when we are ready, we burn down their false history and anyone who tries to defend it!”
The crowd cheered once more, and Aaron smiled triumphantly down at Tsy'Lo as he leapt casually from the roof. As he landed, many hands patted his back and many questions were yelled, but it all ceased as one of the Gardeners stepped forward. It was Eridor, as there was no mistaking the red cape he wore. "We need to leave, the Federation have entered our space.”
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